by Wanda Diep, LCSW.
I've been reflecting on uncertainty and acceptance quite a bit lately. In both my personal and professional life, I hear people talk about uncertainty related to finances, job security, relationships, the climate, politics, etc. (I can definitely go on), and how this uncertainty has been fuel for anxiety, rumination, catastrophizing thoughts, frustration outward or anger inward. People search for solutions to alleviate the distress, and as a fellow human being, I've definitely leaned into a solution-oriented mindset to find relief. But what happens when there doesn't seem to be a concrete solution? What is to be done when it's hard to find certainty or have control or influence over a situation? This is when acceptance can be a tool to try.
Is acceptance the same as giving up control?
Now, I find that when I first bring up acceptance, it's received with some hesitation. And honestly, I don't blame anyone for having this reaction. I've had this reaction myself. Acceptance can feel like giving up, quitting, abandoning, or condoning a painful situation. It can feel like saying "I have no power and that is the end of the story." So, if acceptance isn't just giving up, then what is it?
What is acceptance, exactly?
One form of acceptance is the act of simply observing the situation for what it is, not what it has been, could be, or should be. In my years as a therapist, I've seen how acceptance has both freed and empowered people to move through overwhelming situations. This isn't to say that anxiety and overwhelm disappear, but the weight of the difficulties eases.
Why does acceptance feel so hard?
A challenging part of acceptance is that it requires a person to face and confront all the emotions that may have been avoided, such as fear, overwhelm, hopelessness, and helplessness. Embracing acceptance also means embracing the weight of these emotions. I'd invite you to remember: emotions are temporary. There is no one feeling that lasts forever. This is true for emotions like sadness, despair, and anxiety, and also emotions like joy, excitement, and elation.
How do you practice acceptance in daily life?
Try this exercise:
• Consider a part of your life: career, friendships, relationships, health, and/or leisure.
• How does this part of your life make you feel?
• Can you accept how this part of your life makes you feel?
• Can you accept this part of your life the way it is now?
• If it's hard to accept, how come? What makes it difficult?
• If this part of your life cannot be completely changed, are there any small steps you could take that could be helpful?
What therapy approaches are built around acceptance?
Acceptance is one tool to help move through challenging times, but it's only one tool in the toolbox. Therapy modalities such as Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) incorporate and build upon acceptance to help increase psychological flexibility, increase tolerance for distress, and figure out the next possible step.
Frequently Asked Questions
Suggested tags: acceptance, anxiety, uncertainty, DBT, ACT
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No. Acceptance means observing a situation for what it actually is, rather than what it has been, could be, or should be. It doesn't mean agreeing with or condoning a painful situation, and it doesn't mean you stop working toward change where change is possible.
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Not entirely, but it often eases the weight of it. Acceptance doesn't eliminate difficult emotions, but it can change your relationship to them, making overwhelming situations feel more manageable to move through.
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Both are therapy modalities that build on acceptance as a core skill. DBT focuses on building distress tolerance and emotional regulation skills, while ACT focuses on increasing psychological flexibility and helping people take value-aligned action even alongside difficult thoughts and feelings.