Why Couples Therapy?
Your friends and family consider you a power couple. They admire your relationship because you're successful, social, and completely in love.
What they don't see is how you and your partner seem to be drifting apart. And when you do spend time together, little disagreements turn into huge fights.
“We agree on most things, but somewhere along the way, we’ve grown apart."
“I’m not sure if we’re on the same page anymore. I’m afraid we’ll break up if we don’t do something about this now.”
“Our fights seem to come out of nowhere. When we’re good, we’re really good. But when things are bad, we don’t even recognize each other.”
How do you balance meeting each others' needs and your own expectations? What if you could reconnect to each other instead of focusing on all the other things filling up your life?
Most often, I see couples who want to work at their relationship, but get frustrated that their ideas keep backfiring.
the nice person's guide to setting boundaries
One of you wants to solve the problem right away, so it doesn’t happen again. Who can wait hours or days for their partner to “be ready to talk”?
One of you withdraws or shuts down, and says something like “I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.” Who can think clearly when their partner is peppering them with questions and has already made up their mind?
One person is feeling disappointed, and the other feels like they get no credit for trying.
You accuse each other of controlling the relationship.
You're resentful that you overlooked those early "red flags.”
You're still hurt from an old disagreement.
You're not sure if you can make it work - or if you even want to.
How Couples Counseling Can Help
I offer relationship counseling for people at any stage of their relationship, in addition to marriage counseling and pre-marital counseling.
Couples therapy isn't about changing yourself or your partner. You’re going to have disagreements. It’s what you do before, during, and after those conflicts that determines your success as a couple.
Couples therapy can be a great way to work through your communication and behavior patterns with a neutral person in the room. It's not about "who's right and who's wrong," but about truly understanding yourself and each other, so that you don't continue to repeat the same disagreements.
Prospect Therapy is an affirming practice that welcomes couples of all genders and orientations, including lesbian, gay, bisexual, pansexual, transgender, and nonbinary folks. I am a bisexual cisgender woman and have been working with the LGBTQ+ community since 2011. I recognize the impact that internalized homo/bi/transphobia and heterosexism can have on queer relationships. I don't over-emphasize or ignore your sexual orientation or gender identity.
Gottman Method Couples Therapy
Couples therapy is not just doing individual therapy in front of your partner. My client is your relationship - not each of the partners.
A partner can do much more to heal the problem than your therapist ever could; even if the problem started before you ever met them.
My clients learn that their own personal anxieties and traumas improve as their relationship quality improves.
I use a research-based method of couples therapy developed by The Gottman Institute that is structured, but flexible. We start with a comprehensive evaluation of your strengths and areas of growth as a couple. We build on what is going well in your relationship (even if you feel like that’s not a lot of things). We also identify where there is a mismatch and focus on those. This ultimately means the therapy doesn’t take as long, since we’re focusing our attention only on what needs work.
Intimate Partner Violence/Domestic Violence
If the problems in your relationship are beyond typical communication or trust issues, or you are starting to feel unsafe in your relationship, read more about options for couples experiencing IPV/DV by clicking here.
Couples sessions are 75 minutes, and appointments are available evenings and weekends. I see mostly couples from Long Beach, Seal Beach and surrounding areas.