trauma
Sara Stanizai
Why You Feel Guilty When You Change Your ...

By Sara Stanizai, LMFT.

If you've been in therapy, or just read a lot about it online, and then started trying to make some changes with your family — saying no to things, questioning expectations, even putting yourself first — you know it's not just a clean sweep and you feel better immediately. It doesn't work like that. It doesn't feel like that.

Guilt and grief show up the second you do something for yourself. That swooping, heavy feeling right when you finally make some space, right when you finally say no to something you used to automatically say yes to.

It makes sense, you did a mean thing, and now you feel bad. Except, no, it doesn't.

You probably expect your therapist to tell you not to feel bad, that you're not actually doing a mean thing. But especially for certain cultures, that doesn't really apply. Saying "don't feel bad" isn't really therapeutic.

What I actually want to tell you is: that guilt is not yours. It's your parent's.

And hopefully after you read this, that heavy, too-fast guilt is going to make a lot more sense, along with what to actually do about it.

Why You Feel Guilty When You Change Your Relationship With Your Family
Sara Stanizai
Millennials are thinking about kids all the time

by Brianna Patti, LMFT.

If you were born between 1981 and 1996 and haven't decided whether or not you want kids, you're in good company.

Millennials are thinking about kids all the time
anxiety
Sara Stanizai
How to Practice Acceptance When You Can't ...

by Wanda Diep, LCSW.

I've been reflecting on uncertainty and acceptance quite a bit lately. In both my personal and professional life, I hear people talk about uncertainty related to finances, job security, relationships, the climate, politics, etc. (I can definitely go on), and how this uncertainty has been fuel for anxiety, rumination, catastrophizing thoughts, frustration outward or anger inward. People search for solutions to alleviate the distress, and as a fellow human being, I've definitely leaned into a solution-oriented mindset to find relief. But what happens when there doesn't seem to be a concrete solution? What is to be done when it's hard to find certainty or have control or influence over a situation? This is when acceptance can be a tool to try.

How to Practice Acceptance When You Can't Control the Outcome
couples therapy
Sara Stanizai
The Difference Between a Stable Relationship ...

by Sara Stanizai, LMFT.

There's a specific kind of couple I see a lot, and you might be one of them. You've been together a long time. There are shared finances, sometimes tied up in property or a business you built together, and a shared history at this point that would be genuinely painful to untangle.

From the outside, and often from the inside too, it looks like it's working. But somewhere along the way, one or each of you stopped being emotionally reachable. Not hostile, just quietly unavailable in a way neither of you ever fully said out loud.

If that's you, especially if your relationship was never going to fit the default script to begin with, (maybe you're queer or trans, maybe one or both of you is somewhere in transition, whether that's a career, a diagnosis, a move, a loss, or some other life milestone that's changed who you are mid-relationship, maybe you're navigating two different cultures' worth of rules about how a relationship is supposed to work, or maybe, like a lot of people, it's honestly some combination of all of the above), here's what I think is actually going on.

The Difference Between a Stable Relationship and an Intimate One
couples therapy
Sara Stanizai
What a Couples Therapy Intensive Does ...

by Sara Stanizai, LMFT.

Most people who reach out to me have already done real therapy, sometimes for years, and can describe their relationship with genuine accuracy: the pattern, the roles, the whole shape of it. That was never going to be enough on its own. Here's the structural thing weekly therapy just isn't built to do, no matter how good the therapist is.

What a Couples Therapy Intensive Does Differently

Why You Feel Guilty When You Change Your Relationship With Your Family

Why You Feel Guilty When You Change Your Relationship With Your Family

By Sara Stanizai, LMFT.

If you've been in therapy, or just read a lot about it online, and then started trying to make some changes with your family — saying no to things, questioning expectations, even putting yourself first — you know it's not just a clean sweep and you feel better immediately. It doesn't work like that. It doesn't feel like that.

Guilt and grief show up the second you do something for yourself. That swooping, heavy feeling right when you finally make some space, right when you finally say no to something you used to automatically say yes to.

It makes sense, you did a mean thing, and now you feel bad. Except, no, it doesn't.

You probably expect your therapist to tell you not to feel bad, that you're not actually doing a mean thing. But especially for certain cultures, that doesn't really apply. Saying "don't feel bad" isn't really therapeutic.

What I actually want to tell you is: that guilt is not yours. It's your parent's.

And hopefully after you read this, that heavy, too-fast guilt is going to make a lot more sense, along with what to actually do about it.

How to Practice Acceptance When You Can't Control the Outcome

How to Practice Acceptance When You Can't Control the Outcome

by Wanda Diep, LCSW.

I've been reflecting on uncertainty and acceptance quite a bit lately. In both my personal and professional life, I hear people talk about uncertainty related to finances, job security, relationships, the climate, politics, etc. (I can definitely go on), and how this uncertainty has been fuel for anxiety, rumination, catastrophizing thoughts, frustration outward or anger inward. People search for solutions to alleviate the distress, and as a fellow human being, I've definitely leaned into a solution-oriented mindset to find relief. But what happens when there doesn't seem to be a concrete solution? What is to be done when it's hard to find certainty or have control or influence over a situation? This is when acceptance can be a tool to try.

The Difference Between a Stable Relationship and an Intimate One

The Difference Between a Stable Relationship and an Intimate One

by Sara Stanizai, LMFT.

There's a specific kind of couple I see a lot, and you might be one of them. You've been together a long time. There are shared finances, sometimes tied up in property or a business you built together, and a shared history at this point that would be genuinely painful to untangle.

From the outside, and often from the inside too, it looks like it's working. But somewhere along the way, one or each of you stopped being emotionally reachable. Not hostile, just quietly unavailable in a way neither of you ever fully said out loud.

If that's you, especially if your relationship was never going to fit the default script to begin with, (maybe you're queer or trans, maybe one or both of you is somewhere in transition, whether that's a career, a diagnosis, a move, a loss, or some other life milestone that's changed who you are mid-relationship, maybe you're navigating two different cultures' worth of rules about how a relationship is supposed to work, or maybe, like a lot of people, it's honestly some combination of all of the above), here's what I think is actually going on.

What a Couples Therapy Intensive Does Differently

What a Couples Therapy Intensive Does Differently

by Sara Stanizai, LMFT.

Most people who reach out to me have already done real therapy, sometimes for years, and can describe their relationship with genuine accuracy: the pattern, the roles, the whole shape of it. That was never going to be enough on its own. Here's the structural thing weekly therapy just isn't built to do, no matter how good the therapist is.

Why Couples Therapy Hasn't Worked Yet

Why Couples Therapy Hasn't Worked Yet

by Sara Stanizai, LMFT.

You can know exactly what's wrong with your relationship, be able to give a TED talk on it, and still be completely unable to stop it.

Most couples who sit down with me have already done the work of naming their own dynamic somewhere else, sometimes years of somewhere else. They know who pursues and who withdraws, they know what sets it off, and they're still stuck, because understanding a pattern and actually interrupting it in real time are two entirely different skills, and almost nobody ever gets taught the second one.

Here's what's usually going on underneath the fight you haven't been able to fix.

Understanding Boundaries, Needs, and Desire in Long-Term Relationships

Understanding Boundaries, Needs, and Desire in Long-Term Relationships

by Tiffany Hooton, LMFT.

Think about the last time you felt truly at ease in a relationship, not just comfortable, but safe. Safe enough to say what you wanted. Safe enough to say what you didn't. For many of us, that kind of ease isn't something that comes automatically. It's built, slowly, through a thousand small moments of honesty and repair.

More Than Just Talking: Humanistic and Person-Centered Therapy

More Than Just Talking: Humanistic and Person-Centered Therapy

by Brianna Patti, LMFT.

A common question you can ask your therapist before you get started is, “What kind of therapy do you provide?” If you want to be more specific, you can ask about their modality to learn how they conceptualize mental health symptoms, disorders, and wellbeing. 

My short answer is that I practice humanistic and person-centered therapy because I believe people are capable of growth when they’re met with genuine authenticity, acceptance, and curiosity. I view each client as a whole person who has been uniquely affected by their surroundings, and I maintain a balanced focus on their strengths and challenges without assuming that I know what’s best for them.

A Survival Guide for Adults with ADHD: Working With Your Brain, Not Against It

A Survival Guide for Adults with ADHD: Working With Your Brain, Not Against It

by Andrew Kravig, LMFT. 

If you’re an adult living with ADHD, you’ve probably spent years being told to “just focus! Be more organized,” or “try harder!” Over time, those messages can become internalized, leaving you feeling frustrated, ashamed, or exhausted. This little guide isn’t about fixing you, because you’re not broken. It’s about understanding how your brain works and building systems that can actually support it. It might feel like a small start, but it’s a start!

Fighting Fascism with Mindfulness?

Fighting Fascism with Mindfulness?

by Andrew Kravig, LMFT.

I find myself in quite a quandary these days, working as a psychotherapist during the age of the Tr*mp regime. I spend my days thinking about how to hold people together, the nature of healing, what it means to live authentically, and how to find an individual’s sense of meaning and direction. All of this while I (and the entire world along with me) am constantly on the verge of falling apart. Lives are being shattered, homes are being destroyed, the very notion of my existence is being censored. War, famine, greed. Straight-up fucking genocide…  

Why Am I Feeling So Anxious? A tool to better understand what’s adding to the overwhelm.

Why Am I Feeling So Anxious? A tool to better understand what’s adding to the overwhelm.

by Wanda Diep, LCSW. 

Let's talk about anxiety, stress and overwhelm. Sometimes, at the start of a session, a client will mention that they’ve been feeling upset, overwhelmed, and simply exhausted. And they're extra frustrated because they have no idea why they are feeling this way. It’s one thing to feel overwhelmed by the stress you have, and it can feel additionally frustrating to not know why.

And yes, it’s clear that there are a lot of reasons to feel stressed, even outside of our own bubble. Although our wellbeing is connected to others’, it can feel like your own stress is competing with the stresses of the world (and losing). Even taking those things into consideration, it’s not always clear what’s bugging us. 

My Partner Just Told Me They’re Questioning Their Gender: A Practical Guide for Cis Partners (pt. 2)

My Partner Just Told Me They’re Questioning Their Gender: A Practical Guide for Cis Partners (pt. 2)

by Tiffany Hooton, LMFT.

In a previous post (which you can find here), we discussed some  common reactions a person might experience when their significant other first comes out to them as trans or gender questioning as well as ways to begin unpacking some of those more complicated tangles of emotions. This, however, only scratches the surface when it comes to navigating transition in relationships.

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You Do Not Have to Be Good: Mary Oliver and Intentional Rest

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You Do Not Have to Be Good: Mary Oliver and Intentional Rest

by Andrew Kravig, LMFT.

How are you enjoying the new calendar year so far? Itt has been a bit wild, hasn’t it? If you’re anything like me, it’s been filled with too much doom scrolling, almost enough protesting in the streets, buckets of cortisol racing through my system, a handful of warm moments with friends, and nowhere near enough rest. And god knows what we need right now is some good rest. If your community demographics look anything like mine, it has probably been a very scary start to 2026. It’s hard to figure out where to fit something like rest or relaxation into my schedule… I mean, how do you nap when it feels like the world is burning?

My Partner Just Told Me They’re Questioning Their Gender: A Practical Guide for Cis Partners (pt. 1)

My Partner Just Told Me They’re Questioning Their Gender: A Practical Guide for Cis Partners (pt. 1)

by Tiffany Hooton, LMFT.

Imagine you’re standing in a parking lot, just about to head into work, when you check your phone. There’s a message from your partner: They think they might be trans. They know a text isn’t ideal. That it might feel impersonal, but the words get stuck in their throat whenever they try to muster the courage to say something. Just writing that sentence took everything.

How might you feel in that situation? How do you imagine you would respond?

There is no playbook for when a partner comes out to you, especially in those critical moments when they need you most and, for some, this news can come as a shock.

I’m having feelings about my feelings! What to do with meta-emotions.

I’m having feelings about my feelings! What to do with meta-emotions.

by Wanda Diep, LCSW.

 Have you felt that lingering pang of guilt after feeling upset or even pissed the hell off at someone you care about deeply? Or frustrated when you notice feeling upset after something that’s “small” or “not worth getting emotional over”?

What you notice in these moments are called meta-emotions: feelings about your feelings. There are a few examples of these meta-emotions. Here are some of the most common I come across:

  • Guilt about feeling anger

  • Shame/embarrassment about experiencing jealousy (which can be viewed as a system of emotions, but that’s a conversation for another time).

  • Frustration with feeling sad, anxious, or “emotional”

  • Anxious about feeling anxious

  • Nervous about feeling happy

Okay, now I know what meta-emotions are. Why are they important?

So, it’s January. Again.

So, it’s January. Again.

by Andrew Kravig, LMFT.

 

I often feel like the new year (and all of the hype around it) arrives like an overenthusiastic motivational speaker— there’s the banging of pots and pans, folks shouting about “fresh starts,” and insisting this is the year everything changes. So much noise. Meanwhile, I’m standing over here in my mismatched socks, feeling emotionally exhausted, and wondering if it’s acceptable for me to set my expectations somewhere between “survive” and “remember to drink water.”

I live with chronic depression. And living with depression has a way of muting the fireworks. No matter how big and beautiful those fireworks might be. While the calendar flips with explosions of confetti and enthusiastic countdowns, my brain tends to respond with a kind of cautious squint. Hope feels fragile. Light feels far away. And yet—annoyingly, persistently—January still shows up, asking me what I want from the new year.

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Mattering in Relationships

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Mattering in Relationships

by Wanda Diep, LCSW.

When it comes to building and strengthening meaningful relationships, mattering plays a huge role. It’s one thing to say “you matter to me,” but there’s a different sense of security when this is felt.

Back in the 1980s, a couple researchers by the names of McCullogh and Rosenberg broke down mattering into three parts: attention, importance and dependence. It’s updated now to a version of awareness, importance and reliance. Let’s look at the three components a little more closely:

Press Pause: Tools for Cultivating Self-Compassion in Tumultuous Times

Press Pause: Tools for Cultivating Self-Compassion in Tumultuous Times

 by Andrew Kravig, LMFT.

We live in a world that seems to be moving faster each day—spinning with uncertainty, division, and painful change. Whether it’s the weight of global events, personal loss, or the quiet ache of feeling ungrounded, many of us are walking through life carrying more than we put into words. And in these moments—when the ground beneath us feels shaky—what we most long for is often what we most resist: compassion for ourselves.

Self-compassion is not a passive turning away from reality. It is not about excusing ourselves or avoiding discomfort. Rather, it is a courageous presence—a tender and honest attending to our own hearts. In the midst of inner and outer storms, it becomes a gateway to clarity, resilience, and peace.

The Missing Pieces in the 5 Love Languages 

The Missing Pieces in the 5 Love Languages 

by Brianna Patti, LMFT.

If you’ve ever googled something like “how can i get my partner to show up for me,” you’re probably familiar with popular teachings of Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages (1992). Many people have sought solace in this ideology as they weathered impasses in their relationship. Partners who feel distanced from their significant other can receive a glimmer of hope as they read about simple prescriptions for connection that they can suggest to their partner. It’s important to honor that this framework has provided millions of people with concise language that began important conversations about deep emotional needs. 

Anxiety Isn’t Just in Your Head: How Stress Shows Up in the Body

Anxiety Isn’t Just in Your Head: How Stress Shows Up in the Body

by Tiffany Hooton, LMFT.

When people think about anxiety, they usually imagine constant worrying or thoughts looping on repeat. However, anxiety, like all emotions, is not a purely cognitive experience; it also lives in the body. Tight shoulders, unexplained nausea, a racing heart, or restless nights can all be signs of stress you’re carrying without realizing it.

This connection between mind and body matters, especially in a world where stress feels increasingly inescapable. Many people are living with not just personal worries but also collective fears tied to politics and questions of safety. For LGBTQ folks, immigrants, and others navigating discrimination, uncertainty, and threats of violence, the weight of these pressures can show up as chronic stress. Paying attention to how anxiety affects the body can be a first step toward understanding what you’re going through and can offer some concrete strategies to care for yourself even when so much else feels out of your hands.

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contact@prospecttherapy.com | (562) 704-4736