When it comes to aggression against women, there are no qualifiers that determine who is going to experience it. Harm takes on the full spectrum, from famous women in powerful positions to the most disenfranchised, including trans women of color.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, a U.S. Democratic Representative of New York and youngest woman to ever serve in Congress, was simply walking up the steps of the Capitol to cast a vote when she was accosted, bullied, and verbally attacked by Congressman Yoho, who didn’t agree with her political views. AOC had to defend herself multiple times in front of Congress after Yoho denied the charges, despite reporters overhearing Yoho say aggressive slurs about her.
Megan Thee Stallion is a rapper and songwriter whose latest smash hit, WAP, broke music records by debuting as No. 1 on both the streaming and digital sale charts, with over 93 million U.S. streams and 125,000 downloads in the first week of its release. But current headlines are focused on questioning the legitimacy of her recounting being shot in the foot by rapper Tory Lanez. Despite video footage of the incident and her various messages on social media discussing how she was coping with the trauma, Megan Thee Stallion resorted to sharing graphic photos of her foot post-surgery after followers said they didn’t believe her.
Eden the Doll, Jaslene White Rose, and Joslyn Flawless were recently robbed, attacked, and physically assaulted in Hollywood by Carlton Callaway, Davion Williams, and Willie Walker while Steven Hurtado recorded evidence to ridicule later, all as onlookers pointed, laughed, and encouraged further violence. Two arrests have since been made. The footage itself, however, reflects the sentiment that violence against women is not only allowed, but celebrated. Anyone who has been made complicit in their own violation instantly recognized the insidious terrorism of a perpetrator holding someone’s hand while forcing her to find her friends to be further victimized.
These stories are only the tip of the iceberg. Millions of people endure this violence and aggression from men and carry their own unsung stories. From the #metoo movement to the sickening number of un-publicized deaths of trans women, aggression toward women is not a small issue. But it’s the small things that make it an ongoing issue.
Microaggressions
Microaggressions are small, subtle, daily interactions or behaviors that express a bias of any sort towards historically marginalized groups of people. These can be intentional or completely unintentional. In fact, many people who do this unintentionally have no idea they’re causing harm because the bias is so deeply ingrained it feels normal to them.
Examples of microaggressions towards women can look like a variety of things:
Cat-calling (this can often become a full on aggression)
More pressure and requirement to validate qualifications, experiences, or skills
Jokes about rape, consent, where women belong
Blaming strong opinions on “women being emotional” or “on their period”
Comments about how women were “born to be better” at different jobs like nurses, secretaries, teachers, or cleaners
How do these small things contribute to bigger issues?
Trying to stop microaggressions like this often receives backlash from people. This often looks like complaints about the world becoming “too politically correct” or that people are “too sensitive nowadays” with a longing for “the good old times when life was simpler.” So why are some jokes not funny? Why is it “not ok” to make light of something that is so pervasive?
When people act out these microaggressions a little at a time, it makes it ok for others to do them as well. It becomes normalized to make light of something that is serious. And the more that idea becomes not a big deal, the more it actually happens.
Rape jokes contribute to the bigger idea of rape culture, which in turn leads to normalizing rape and victim blaming. Misgendering and ignoring pronouns seems like a small thing, but the more it generalizes and belittles people’s identity, it then contributes to the bigger picture of violence against trans people and a life expectancy of 35.
Little things matter.
Making an inappropriate joke about consent doesn’t make you a sexual predator. Just because you misgender someone accidentally doesn't mean you'll go out and murder a trans person. But it does mean that it takes away legitimacy and social status, and it dehumanizes people when you use words like "it" and "thing" to describe them.
When people stop being human, it makes it more acceptable for them to be harmed. Everyone deserves to be and feel safe, no matter how they identify.
Everyone knows multiple women who have experienced violence in some form - verbal, physical, sexual, emotional. Unfortunately, this violence has no limit. Power doesn't protect us. Money, status, "having a man in your life," job title, fame. You deserve a life free of violence. Period.
What is feminist therapy?
When we say we practice feminist therapy, it doesn’t mean we only care about women. It means we recognize visible and invisible forces at play that hold everyone in place. This includes women, nonbinary people, agender people, and men. Undoubtedly, some people are held in place above others, but they are still trapped there. Yes, cishet white men too are held in place and not allowed to express themselves in certain ways. Feminist therapy acknowledges that patriarchy oppresses all of us, and true freedom lies in recognizing these constructs exist. Short of dismantling them completely, we help all of our clients navigate life around them.
If you have experienced patriarchal violence, you are not broken. You have value and worth. Feminist-informed therapy can provide a safe space for people of all genders and sexualities to heal from that trauma and grow through your pain.
Prospect Therapy is an LGBTQ+ affirming therapy practice based in Long Beach, CA. We focus on queer + trans mental health as well as mental health for first-generation, immigrant, and bicultural communities. We continue to provide online therapy to clients throughout the state of California. Learn more about how we support individuals, teens, couples, and families in our communities by requesting a consultation below.