Next to family, and sometimes in place of family relationships, friendships can be the most important relationships in your life—the foundation for the good and the bad, the ups and the downs.
Independence and mutual respect are necessary for a friendship or any relationship. Many people are aware of codependent romantic relationships, but it is also possible with friendships. When boundaries become non-existent, and friends begin to blend into one another, it can be the telltale of a codependent friendship.
Here are some other things to be aware of:
Placing Your Friend’s Needs First
As mentioned, the boundaries with codependent friendships are wavering and blurred. When one friend is constantly placing their needs above the other’s and being allowed to do so, this is a glaring sign. Whether it is blatantly done or unconsciously done, it can be problematic.
Shared Emotions
If someone is in this type of relationship, it can be easy to start to form similar mindsets and reactions to situations. When one person is upset, the other is upset. If one is happy, the other is happy. Friends essentially begin to dictate each other’s moods.
This should not be confused with empathy. There is a difference. The difference lies in someone altering their state to take on their friend’s problems and fix them. Empathy is an important human trait that is valuable in forming sustainable relationships. It is the ability to support your person while maintaining your sense of self.
Emotional Fatigue
Part of being a good friend is being there for your friend, supporting them in their times of need, and cheerleading them through life events. It can be rewarding to be a supporter of your friends.
However, when support turns into a giver role, it can be taxing mentally and emotionally. Over time, consistently playing this role can cause fatigue after being around them. If a person finds themself feeling drained after a mere conversation, it could be a red flag of a codependent relationship.
Unnecessary Jealousy
Most people have more than one close friend. Some have close family members or significant others with whom they juggle their downtime. One person should never be an end-all-be-all for every emotional or physical need. No parent should play every role, no intimate partner should play every role, and no friend should play every role.
When a person uses someone else for support, it can start to become triggering for the other. If friends are too reliant on each other for support, it can create this unhealthy boundary. This proves even more true if one person is more invested than the other. If one person goes out socially with a different group of friends, it could create jealousy. No friendships should involve feeling threatened by another person entering the circle. The result is controlling and negative responses, leading to toxic relationships.
The Hard Truth
Codependency is the definition of a toxic friendship. It involves smashing down boundaries and giving away self-control and power to someone else. It doesn’t matter that this person is supposed to be someone close to you. The ending will involve distrust, disappointment, and a sense of betrayal. No good can come in the long term for this type of relationship.
Neither the victim nor the fixer are sustainable roles in a friendship. It should be built on mutual respect and trust. If, after reading this, you believe you could have a codependent friendship, it might be time to take a step back and evaluate your situation. You don’t have to do so alone. We are here for you and more than ready to help you out.
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