By Tiffany Hooton, LMFT.
Does it ever feel like people are just… lonelier? Depending on your algorithm, it seems like we can’t go more than a few days without hearing the words “male loneliness epidemic,” tossed around (sometimes sincerely, sometimes not), across articles, podcasts, and social media. Online commentators warn of the growing “atomization” of society. You could probably fill a bingo card with all the buzzwords floating around this conversation. But glib remarks aside, there’s something real behind the noise. Our social lives have changed, and for many, that’s meant a growing sense of disconnection and weakened community ties. And, though the media loves to center the struggle of white cishet men, this is a trend which extends far beyond those narrow boundaries of gender and sexuality.
According to a 2023 advisory from the U.S. Surgeon General, for example, nearly half of all American adults report struggling with loneliness and notes that people in the LGBTQ+ community (as well as those from other marginalized groups) are at greater risk for social isolation. Not surprising when one considers the predicaments queer and trans individuals commonly face: rejection or lack of support from parents, family, or peers; harassment and discrimination; concerns over physical or emotional safety; lack of community support. This bears out in the therapy room as well, with many clients describing deep feelings of isolation and uncertainty over how to make or maintain meaningful relationships.
What is causing this new wave of loneliness?
Is the fragmentation of our social circles yet another aftershock of the COVID-19 pandemic? Is it, perhaps, a consequence of widening sociopolitical rifts, driving people apart and decreasing the ability of marginalized people from participating fully in public life? Or maybe it’s the weight of our economic systems which leave so many of us overworked, overwhelmed, and alienated from each other and ourselves. Rising social media use and excessive screen time? The slow death of third spaces?
As with most complex issues, there’s no single cause. Referring back to the previously mentioned report, the rise in loneliness seems to stem from an amalgamation of cultural, political, economic, and personal factors, all feeding into a larger social climate that makes genuine connection more difficult to find. And, of course, this is all heightened if you happen to be a part of a group which is and historically has been harassed, dehumanized, and pushed to the fringes of society.
Loneliness, however, isn’t a permanent state and there are still actions we can take on a personal level to help increase feelings of social connection, even in this messed up political climate. And, importantly, you don’t need to become a social butterfly or reinvent yourself to accomplish this. Just small, intentional steps toward relationship-building. Here are some examples:
1. Reconnect with People You Already Know
You don’t always need to start from scratch. Think about someone you haven’t spoken to in a while, like a friend, a sibling, an old coworker. Consider sending a quick message. A simple “Hey, I was thinking about you, how have you been?” can open the door to rekindling a connection. Sometimes this can feel risky, but people often appreciate being reached out to more than we expect.
2. Follow Your Interests
One of the easiest ways to meet new people is by doing things you already enjoy. Look for local or online groups related to your hobbies: book clubs, sports, tabletop gaming, crafting circles, fandom spaces, choral groups, language classes - anything that brings people together regularly. Shared interests give you a natural starting point for conversation and bonding. Not all groups are going to be openly queer and trans inclusive, but you might be surprised by the ones that are. I mean, who knew Magic the Gathering was such a queer haven??
3. Getting Involved in Your Community
Maybe the sense of loneliness isn’t due to a lack of social connections. You might have tons of friends and people to talk to, but still feel disconnected. Sometimes this is a result of not feeling connected to something larger than yourself. Volunteering and activism is a powerful way to connect with others while also contributing to something larger than yourself. Whether it’s community organizing, environmental cleanups, food banks, spiritual groups, or mutual aid networks, these spaces often foster deeper relationships built around shared values and goals.
4. Create Space for Connection in Daily Life
You can nurture social contact in small, everyday ways: chatting with a neighbor, greeting your cashier, smiling at a stranger, or checking in with a coworker. Not every interaction needs to lead to something bigger. It’s not a failure if an acquaintance doesn’t blossom into a new friend. As a culture we tend to place a premium on romantic partners, friendships, and close family, however it can sometimes be helpful to remember and appreciate that we also exist in a much larger ecosystem of relationships. Even fleeting interactions can have value, and while they’re easy to overlook, taking a moment to acknowledge the humanity in others can encourage us to slow down and give our nervous system a rest - something we all could use a little more of, especially in a time where many in our community may be understandably hypervigilant.
Loneliness may be common, but it’s not inevitable either. While many of the challenges we face are systemic, connection is still possible and even small efforts can make a difference in how we feel. Whether it’s a message to a friend, joining a hobby group, or showing up to support your community, these small acts of reaching out can create more belonging—not just for you, but for those around you.
You don’t have to figure it all out alone. Therapy can offer support, strategies, and a space to explore how you want to build your social world and find community.
Read more about therapy with Tiffany here.
Read more about therapy for anxiety here.