Grief is Everywhere, because Change is Everywhere.

Loss changes us. Regardless of how much time we may have had to prepare for it, we are never prepared.

Grief is a singular experience. It is different from depression, but you can feel depressed. It is different from trauma, but it can be traumatic. It can cause anxiety, relationship problems, health issues, and affect every part of your life. But it is its own thing, and requires its own care.

And…

There isn’t actually a therapy that will fast-forward the grieving process, or make it painless.

Many people seek therapy immediately after the loss of a loved one, hoping to find a way to ease their suffering. Those first sessions may end up feeling numb, or tearful for the whole hour.

Many others don’t seek therapy until months or years later. Perhaps it’s only after a long enough time that we realize how it has affected us. Sometimes the effects are delayed because we don’t have the option to grieve in the moment.

There are many reasons why therapy may be helpful for the grief process. While we can’t take away your pain, a compassionate witness who can validate your pain and help guide you, can make a difference.

Grief is personal. It can be impacted by shame, confusion, or secrecy. It can last longer than we think it should. Or sometimes we don’t want to be a burden to others who are also grieving.

We’re not in the practice of pathologizing grief. Grief is a universal experience, yet it often feels unique to each individual. We encounter grief in various forms, whether through the death of a loved one, a break-up, a change in our own identity or situation, or any other loss of something significant in our lives.

What does grief feel like?

Many people swing between two extremes in their grief process. Either you find yourself in a cycle of intense emotions like sadness, anger, or confusion on a daily basis. Or, you may feel numb and wonder why you haven’t cried yet. You might be caught in a pattern of hyper-productivity, trying to distract yourself from the pain and keep moving. Or, you may find it hard to get out of bed or accomplish daily tasks. Balancing these extremes can be challenging, leading to feelings of isolation or frustration. You might feel pressured to “move on” or “get back to normal,” even though you’re still grappling with the loss.

One method of supporting you through grief is to help you take one step closer to the other of end of the spectrum

If you feel overwhelmed and stuck in your emotions, you might want help getting back to one activity per day that helps you connect back to your life. If you’re numb, having a hard time accessing your feelings, and wondering when it will hit you, maybe you need a safe, private place to connect to those feelings.

In therapy, we can help you explore the depths of your grief, identify your coping mechanisms, and develop healthier strategies for processing your emotions while honoring your personal process.

Understanding the four tasks of mourning

Social media will help you discuss the five stages of grief developed by Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. These are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Having a framework can help us make sense of our experience, which can reduce our feelings of isolation and hopelessness. There are other models of understanding grief as well. For example, the four tasks of mourning, as developed by Dr. William Worden:

1. Accepting the reality of the loss: Coming to terms with the fact that your loss has occurred and that it is permanent is a critical first step.

2. Processing the pain of grief: Allowing yourself to feel the emotional pain associated with your loss is essential for healing. This involves embracing the full spectrum of emotions without judgment.

3. Adjusting to a world without the deceased or the lost aspect of life: This task involves finding ways to adapt to life in the absence of what you have lost, which may include changes in routines, roles, and identities.

4. Finding ways to remember and memorialize: Honoring the memory of what was lost can help you integrate the experience of loss into your life in a meaningful way.

Your Version of Grief

These frameworks may be helpful when we’re looking for answers. But your family, culture and history may have your own models for grief and mourning. Working with a therapist who understands and respects how you have been taught to process grief can make an impossible task feel manageable.

What did your family show you about grief? Did you see others hide their feelings and stay strong? Or did you see them fall apart and need your support? How did this compare to what others in your community said openly about grief, versus what you heard behind closed doors?

What counts as grief and loss?

While many people associate grief primarily with death, it can arise from various situations. All of these can cause a grief response. You may feel inclined to downplay your reaction because other people have it worse, but the truth is, all major life changes have elements of grief and loss. Some of these may include:

• Death of a loved one: The most recognized source of grief, encompassing family members, friends, or pets.

• Divorce or relationship breakup The end of a significant relationship can lead to feelings of loss and abandonment.

• Loss of a job or career change: Changes in employment can trigger grief over lost identity, security, and community.

• Chronic illness or health changes: Receiving a diagnosis or experiencing health changes can bring about feelings of grief for the life you once had.

• Loss of a dream or aspiration: This may include unfulfilled goals, such as not being able to have children or achieving a long-held ambition.

• Displacement or migration: Moving away from home, particularly under distressing circumstances, can lead to grief over lost connections and familiarity.

• Life transitions: Events such as retirement or children leaving home can provoke feelings of loss regarding one’s previous identity or lifestyle.

How therapy can help with grief

At Prospect Therapy, our therapists utilize various therapeutic approaches to help you navigate your grief.

Narrative Therapy for grief

Narrative helps you make meaning of the loss.

Not the “everything happens for a reason” type meaning, but understanding the full impact of the loss, how it can evolve over time, and what it means to you. By sharing your version of the story of your loss, it helps with externalizing the grief so it doesn’t feel like it’s taking over you, while still honoring the magnitude of the loss.

Instead of being defined solely by grief, you can explore how your loved one's life impacted your own and remember positive memories and legacies. Your story may also include anger, resentment, and pain. Rather than idealizing the experience, narrative therapy can help you tell your full story.

Sometimes we are left with no answers or closure, and a therapist who is not skilled in treating grief may contribute to the pressure we sometimes have to only attune to the positive qualities of the person we have lost. By reclaiming your story, you can empower yourself to take an active role in your healing process. (Remember that pendulum of freezing in feeling vs. keeping busy?) Through this process, you may discover new ways to honor your loved one and integrate their loss into your life narrative.

Grief can often feel chaotic and fragmented. Narrative therapy assists in creating a coherent narrative of the experience, which can provide clarity and a sense of control over your grief journey.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Grief

Mindfulness and Acceptance based therapies like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can be particularly beneficial for those processing grief by focusing on acceptance of painful emotions and commitment to living a meaningful life despite the loss. ACT creates room for you to accept the full spectrum of emotions related to your grief rather than only avoiding or suppressing them. To be sure, there is a time for both. But acceptance helps ease the struggle against uncomfortable and painful feelings, especially if you tend to have a hard time with those feelings in general. You know how they say the only way out is through? ACT helps you tolerate the “through.”

ACT also incorporates mindfulness practices to help you feel equipped to stay present with your emotions, thoughts and memories. Not only does this help you tolerate difficult emotions more over time, it can lead to greater awareness of how the grief is affecting you. Sometimes we are the last to notice, and strengthening our mindfulness muscles can give us more agency over our responses to virtually everything, including grief. For those moments when we can’t tolerate the discomfort, cognitive defusion is a technique that helps create distance from negative thoughts. Grief can be complicated by our own judgment of ourselves and how we should be thinking or feeling about the situation. Instead of becoming entangled in thoughts about loss, you can learn to observe those thoughts without judgment. This can help lessen the power of other people’s narratives.

And when you’ve figured out how to think and feel about everything, ACT doesn’t forget about the “what do I do now?” part of your experience. Your therapist can help you take committed actions that are aligned with your values, even in the presence of grief. Including rituals that bring joy, connection and a sense of purpose - when you’re ready.

Creativity, art and grief

You are a creative person, whether you know it or not. Using creative expression as part of your grief therapy can be both cathartic and help you move through the most difficult parts of the process. Sometimes the associated emotions are impossible to articulate through conversation. Creativity can be a vital outlet for emotions that are hard to explain otherwise. Not only can the creative process bypass the need for putting your feelings into words, it can be a safer way to explore painful memories, your identity in the context of loss, and foster resilience and self-care. It also is particularly helpful for accommodating your non-linear grief journey. Emotions don’t come in order, after all. Depending on the medium you choose, it can help you slow down and stay present with feelings you might otherwise suppress. And you might surprise yourself with how you describe memories, maintain your connection if that’s what you want, and how the person will be remembered.

Take the first step toward life after loss

Grief is a deeply personal journey that takes time and patience. It’s natural to question whether therapy can provide the support you need. Our therapists are here to listen and guide you through your unique experience, ensuring you feel safe and validated every step of the way.

Grief can touch every aspect of your life, from your relationships to your sense of self. By seeking therapy, you’re taking an important step toward honoring your grief, reclaiming your identity, and finding a path forward. Together, we can navigate the complexities of your grief journey and help you emerge with renewed hope and connection.