by Tiffany Hooton, LMFT
If you’ve ever played Dark Souls, you know it’s a franchise that carries a reputation for its punishing bosses, bleak atmosphere, and environmental storytelling. Players new to the series find themselves facing defeat at every turn. The world of Lordran feels hostile and desolate. Everything wants to kill you, even the environment itself. Because, as seasoned players know, the real boss is gravity. The story is fragmented. Progress is slow and grueling.
So why do people like this game so much? True, there are fans who are in it for bragging rights, who want to make the game seem as difficult and as inaccessible as possible to new players in order to bolster their gamer egos. But there’s more to it than that. For many others, there is a genuine pleasure taken in meeting the challenges the game presents, and it’s in those challenges that I’ve found the greatest meaning.
Of course, I don’t mean to suggest that video games are a cure for mental health struggles; however, like any work of art, games can reflect life back at us in sometimes surprising ways. And, as someone who’s worked closely with depression and has, at times, struggled with it personally, I found that the mindset I developed while playing Dark Souls was useful for more than just beating bosses.
Progress Isn’t Always Visible
In Dark Souls, you can spend hours repeating the same section of the game again and again as you make your way back to the boss for the twentieth time, only to be greeted by the words YOU DIED emblazoned mockingly across the screen celebrating yet another failure. At first, it can feel like you’re going nowhere. Every attempt feels like a waste of time. The game is too hard. The bosses are unfair. Or, perhaps you internalize and tell yourself that you’re simply bad at the game.
But what if the point of the game isn’t just to be good at it? What if the point is persistence? The struggle is the game. If you’re patient enough with yourself, you may eventually begin to notice something: you know the enemy attack patterns better than before. You’ve memorized the layout of the area. You’re dodging traps you didn’t see the first time. Slowly, you’ve gained skill, even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment.
Life is not so different.
When you struggle with depression it may feel as if your days blend together, seemingly stuck in an unchanging loop of ennui and negative thoughts. But progress in life isn’t always immediately obvious. Sometimes progress is the simple act of getting out of bed and going outside. Sometimes it looks like making plans with friends. Sometimes it’s taking a moment to acknowledge our discomfort while choosing to move bravely forward.
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) these small actions are called Towards Moves, the little steps we take every day that bring us in closer alignment with what we truly value and living a rich, full, meaningful life. Rather than simply avoiding uncomfortable thoughts and feelings or waiting until we feel better, towards moves challenge us to be active participants in our life because they center us on doing rather than achieving a specific outcome. Naturally, this means that progress may not always be readily apparent, but that does not mean it is insignificant.
Darkness and Light Can Coexist
The world of Dark Souls is undeniably grim. Its landscapes are scarred with the crumbling ruins of bygone civilizations; its inhabitants are few, often appearing lost, melancholic, and out of place. However, if a player wishes to pay attention to it, they might also notice the strange beauty hidden beneath: golden sunlight cresting over the dramatic flying buttresses of Anor Londo, clusters of glowing flowers illuminating the moss-covered Darkroot Gardens, the relief of finding a bonfire after hours of wandering. All of these are intentional choices by the developers to craft a setting and experience meant to evoke a broad range of emotion, both frustration and appreciation. And, it’s important to note, that while those moments of tranquility do not erase the harshness of the game, they do help make the journey feel more worthwhile.
Persistent emotional numbness, irritability, sadness, and apathy are all common features of depressive episodes. It might feel as if nothing matters. Activities and experiences that once brought pleasure feel out of reach. However, as in Dark Souls, in real life, with the help of a curious mind, it is still possible to find glimmers of joy, peace, and normality. It might be the comfort of a pet curling up beside you, picking up a book you’d been meaning to read, or the warmth of a genuine laugh. Here, we employ what is called Dialectical Thinking (a favorite of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) or Psychological Flexibility (in ACT), which emphasize our capacity to acknowledge and accept the many dimensions of human experience, even those which seem opposed to one another. Rather than trying to eliminate unpleasant thoughts and emotions — a task, which though tempting, is often futile — we instead put our effort into enacting life-enhancing behaviors and learn to direct our attention towards what matters without dismissing the challenges. Life can be painful and worthwhile.
You Don’t Have to Face Everything Alone
In the Dark Souls fandom, there are certain voices which insist that the only way to beat the game for real is if you play solo and fight every boss with nothing but a stick and your hand tied behind your back. They are wrong. Obviously. In fact, despite the series’ reputation for difficulty, Dark Souls features a number of mechanics to help make the game’s challenges more accessible to a broad range of players. Summoning NPCs and other players (in online play) to help overcome a difficult boss, for example, is just one of these. Sometimes just having another figure in the arena is enough to tip the scales.
When depressed, it’s not uncommon for the fear of burdening others to prevent people from reaching out for support. There can be a sense that you have to isolate and face it all on your own. However, Dark Souls reminded me: even in a game designed around challenge, support is built into the system. You are allowed to lean on others. No one gets through life without relying on others.
Support can mean different things for different people according to their needs. For some, coping with depression might involve leaning on their social support system of family and friends to help meet emotional and material needs. For others, it might entail seeking out professional help: joining a support group to learn new skills, working closely with a therapist, and/or discussing with their physician whether medication might be appropriate.
Remember, no one gets through life unscathed. Even those who we might think of as untouchable need support from time to time. If anything, asking for help is only proof of our resourcefulness and is a necessary and legitimate strategy for survival.
Depression and Dark Souls: Final Thoughts
While keeping in mind that games are not replacements for professional help, the media we enjoy can sometimes provide metaphors for our real struggles: that invisible progress still matters, that we can make room for both pain and happiness, and that support is encouraged.
And, if you’re struggling with depression, remember that you don’t have to take it on alone. There is no shame in seeking help.
Read more about therapy with Tiffany here.
Read more about therapy for depression here.