by Wanda Diep, LCSW
An acute bout of anxiety is anything but cute. In the moment, you might feel intense dread, an indescribable feeling like something terrible is going to happen. Plus, there are the body sensations of sweating, tunnel vision, lightheadedness, shallow breathing, and feeling frozen in place.
The good news is, you’ll be ok. The bad news is, you don’t know that in the moment.
I wrote out some of the common ways I help my clients deal with intense anxiety they might experience when out in their daily life.
Different things may work for you and your nervous system. One person’s clean, white, empty room is another person’s pile of pillows in a dark room with a comfort TV show and sparkling water to distract them. Here are a few steps to try, and then you can personalize them for yourself.
Acknowledging the Feeling of Anxiety
What does anxiety feel like for you? It can be confused for grumpiness, depression, anger, even dehydration. Checking in with your body and mood is a great skill to practice. Giving sensations a specific name is your best bet in giving them what they need. Your body may send out different signals when anxiety present. Try to get to know these signs. They can look like:
• Physical: heart rate increases, shallow breathing, tightness in your body, light-headedness, stomach feels uneasy, hard to stay still, feeling disconnected from your body
• Mental: racing thoughts, thoughts of all the “what-ifs,” it’s hard to focus, stressful thoughts and memories randomly pop up, there’s a sense of impending doom or losing control.
• Emotional: overwhelming feeling of fear, nervousness, feeling uneasy, feeling easily irritated, fluctuating between guilt and anger. It feels like you’re trying to grasp onto flowing water.
Accepting Anxiety’s Arrival
Once you notice that anxiety is here, this might be annoying, but do NOT fight it.
Emotions get stronger when we ignore them, and especially if we try to deny them. So, see what it’s like to acknowledge and accept that it’s at the door. A quick and simple option is to name it aloud:"This is anxiety," or "Okay, my anxiety is starting to ramp up.” This allows us to take a step back and observe the experience without judgement.
It’s the judgment part that can really make things worse.
Welcoming Anxiety to Find Calm
While it may seem counterintuitive, welcoming anxiety and giving it some attention and space can help to lower its intensity. Observing your anxiety with less judgement can lead to curiosity about its visit. Try to treat it like a child having a tantrum. Yes, it’s a big feeling, and it’s ok to have it. In fact, you probably want to find out what’s causing it. But first, you need to give it some space and not react in a harsh way.
In order to do this, it’s helpful to gently decrease external stimulation to help ground your internal system.
• Is there a safe, quiet spot nearby? Find a place with minimal external stimuli - low lights, noise, or even people. This could be a bedroom, a car, a bathroom stall or even a quiet corner of a room. An enclosed space can sometimes offer a sense of safety. You can almost always excuse yourself from a situation.
• Is there something to focus your attention upon? Try to reduce visual stimuli. If it feels safe, gently close your eyes. If not, gently rest your gaze on a neutral spot. It can be a point on the floor, a patch on the wall, or a detail on the ceiling. Hell, pretend you’re checking messages on your phone (but DON’T actually check them!)
• Can you find a comforting and comfortable position? Try to settle into a comfortable position. A few options can be
Sitting up with both of your feet firmly on the ground. There’s a reason pets go wild when their feet aren’t on the ground. It works for people too. Simply plant your feet if you can and feel the ground beneath you.
Gently drawing your knees to your chest and holding them close with your arms. This helps give a physical sense of safety and security. There’s a reason little kids do this when upset. It works for grown ups too.
Lying down on a flat and stable surface. A soft bed is also an option. This helps regulate your blood flow and counteracts that lightheadedness. It also signals safety to your body.
• Can you notice your breathing? Close your eyes, place your hands on your belly, and pay attention to your breath moving in and out through your nose. There’s no need to meditate or deep breathe. Your focus is simply on inhaling and exhaling.
• Can you notice any sounds around you? As you inhale, gently try to notice any sounds around you. You might hear birds singing, the hum of traffic or the wind blowing. These sounds can communicate “hey, the world is out there. We are in here. We are safe in here. Again, you don’t necessarily need to put on soothing rain sounds if you don’t want to. The purpose of this is to connect you to the world around you instead of the rising anxiety in your body.
• Alternatively, you can play some music (headphones can be a bonus if they are comfortable for you) and try to follow the flow. Hum along to the tune. Humming can be a great way to increase your sense of calm.
You might notice your body start to relax. It’s gradually receiving cues that stimulation is decreasing and you are in an enclosed space. It’s a little like a cave to hide in when it’s scary. Remember, our bodies seek safety or even a plan for safety when we are in fear. It may not follow rules of logic, so allow your body comfort when it may need it.
Walking Anxiety Out
Now that you’ve welcomed anxiety and gotten curious about it, you can help it see itself out. As your body starts to calm, try to linger in this state for a few moments, or longer if you have the time. This allows your body to digest the message of safety and calm.
As you notice more calm, try to move a little. Take up space again. If you feel comfortable, shake it out a little. Shake out your hands like they’re wet. Wiggle your shoulders up and down. Sway your body back and forth. The movement can help to release some of the stress, tension and anxiety that has been been in your body.
How to calm anxiety in the moment
Everyone’s nervous system and triggers for anxiety are a little different. What might work for one person may not work for you. Sure, it may be a little uncomfortable, but it shouldn’t feel forced and make things worse. These are just a few options to try when you notice anxiety showing up, but you can personalize them for you. You may have a fidget toy that you carry with you. Or a go-to playlist. Pay attention to what brings more calm to your nervous system and what ramps it up. My hope is that you are able to walk away with at least a few more tools for the next time anxiety comes to visit. Then you can get on with the rest of your day.
Read more about therapy for anxiety here.