anxiety

Three Ways You Might be Minimizing Your Trauma

Three Ways You Might be Minimizing Your Trauma

Trauma is any experience that overwhelms our ability to cope with it.

In other words, the deciding factor of whether an experience is traumatic or not, is whether it overwhelms your ability to cope with it.

The tricky part is that frequently, one way that we try to cope with traumatic events is to minimize them. That’s our brain trying not to be overwhelmed with the magnitude of the stress. This goes for events that overwhelm us physically, emotionally, or both.

Here are three signs that you might be minimizing your trauma, and thereby actually prolonging or intensifying its effects.

Feeling Like a Fraud? How to Identify Impostor Syndrome

Feeling Like a Fraud? How to Identify Impostor Syndrome

Many people can be socially awkward from time to time. It’s normal to experience periods of self-doubt. It’s natural (and healthy!) to second guess ourselves sometimes, too.

The important thing about impostor syndrome (rather than just regular anxiety or self-esteem issues) is that despite fears of being inadequate, you are wholly qualified to be doing what you’re doing.

Add to Cart: What Are You Really Shopping For?

Add to Cart: What Are You Really Shopping For?

Sometimes, your day just really sucks. So you re-do your most recent Postmates order, put your favorite Broad City episode on for the eighty millionth time, and open up ASOS to look at the new arrivals. Two hours later, you’ve spent all your grocery money for the week on the cute shoes you felt like you absolutely needed. (They sold out last time!)

The Bi+ Guide to Going Home for the Holidays

The Bi+ Guide to Going Home for the Holidays

Yes, another “holiday edition” blog post. They’re springing up everywhere!

This is a good one, especially for my fellow Bi+ (bisexual, pansexual, non-monosexual) folks, especially if you are in a relationship with a partner of a different gender. Bi+ people are less likely to be out, and can easily get roped into phobic rhetoric that is annoying on a good day, but triggering on a bad day.

People often feel like they have “no choice” but to commit to stressful, sometimes harmful family events. Hey guess what, you don’t have to. But if you do decide to attend, you can make it less painful for yourself and maybe even have a good time.

When to Check on Your Strongest Friend

When to Check on Your Strongest Friend

We need to feel discomfort first, for it to go away. This doesn’t mean you have to dwell on it for days or weeks. In fact, you’ll be surprised at how even a 20-minute conversation with someone who is listening can ease your pain. Here are some questions you can ask.

Watching Your Bloopers vs Your Highlights

Watching Your Bloopers vs Your Highlights

What's more fun? Watching the "highlight reel" or the "blooper reel" of life?

Does it help you personally to relive the times you **nailed it**, or to dissect the times you screwed up? To celebrate your success, or to wallow in your failure? Which is more useful? More educational? More revealing?

Frustrated That Your Goal-Setting Isn't Working?

Frustrated That Your Goal-Setting Isn't Working?

If your goal-setting isn't working, it might be because you're focusing on the wrong tasks. Have you ever set a deadline...and then kept moving it? Do you want to be a marathon runner but don't know where to start? Use this guide to figure out how to bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be.

How to Identify Your Own Toxic Behavior

How to Identify Your Own Toxic Behavior

Aren't we as adults accountable for our own actions? But then, isn't everyone else responsible for theirs?

I recently spoke with Annamarie Higley at Brit + Co about how to identify our own toxic behavior. I think of this as our secret weapon when we're ready to try therapy.

I Think I'm Feeling Burnt Out. What Do I Do?

I Think I'm Feeling Burnt Out. What Do I Do?

No one has a stress-free job (or life), even though some people's Instagram accounts would have you believe that. 

Setting up built-in reinforcements to protect you from routine stress is essential to preventing burn out. We need to decompress, recharge, and get ready for the next challenge.

The Nice Person's Guide to Setting Boundaries

The Nice Person's Guide to Setting Boundaries

Yeah, ok. You keep hearing about "the importance of setting boundaries" and you kind of have an idea of what people mean by that. (It's just saying "no" a lot more frequently....right?)  

How do you set limits without hurting people's feelings? Especially when you don't even intend to be hurtful, but people take it the wrong way? Sometimes it feels easier to just give in and hope the other person notices that they're asking too much.

How Being the "Black Sheep" of your Family Affects your Mental Health

How Being the "Black Sheep" of your Family Affects your Mental Health

The black sheep of the family is the outcast, seen as different, written off. At best, they're playfully teased; at worst, they're rejected. The more they're ridiculed, the less likely they are to open up and share things about themselves. The less they share, the more of an outcast they become. 

Why does this happen, and what can you do about it?

5 Ways to Cure Impostor Syndrome

5 Ways to Cure Impostor Syndrome

Impostor Syndrome is that internal voice telling you that you don't deserve the success you've created. People often describe an internal fear of inadequacy and failure, and constantly waiting for the "other shoe to drop."  Here are five ways you can undo those feelings in your work, relationships, and at home:

Being Seen For Who We Truly Are

Being Seen For Who We Truly Are

When you’re dismissed, erased, ignored, attacked, or denied - it can cause you to question yourself. It can cause you to feel angry, to feel defeated, to get overwhelmed, to test people, and to feel like you have to prove who you are to yourself and others every day.