By Andrew Kravig, LMFT.
Okay, where to begin?! Let’s start with this: Leaning into vulnerability isn’t comfortable, but it’s where courage is born.
When you’re preparing to tell your family you’re in a polyamorous relationship, you're not just sharing a fact about your love life. You’re sharing something deeply personal, layered, and likely misunderstood. Something about who you are as a person and how you understand your place in the world. And that means vulnerability will have to walk hand in hand with this conversation.
But here’s what I know: Authenticity is a practice. And living wholeheartedly means choosing to show up, even when there are no guarantees. So, let’s let go of certainty, and see what vulnerable authenticity can offer us.
Here are some things to keep in mind as you approach this conversation.
The Shame Whisper: “What if they don’t understand?”
You may hear a voice that whispers, “They won’t accept this. You’re too different.” That’s the voice of shame, and shame thrives in secrecy. When we name our truth, we disarm shame. That doesn’t mean it’ll be easy. But it means you are stepping into your integrity. And integrity, as I define it, is choosing courage over comfort.
Start by getting clear on your why. Why is this important to share? Maybe it’s because you want deeper honesty in your relationships. Maybe you’re tired of hiding. Or maybe your partners are becoming a bigger part of your life, and it’s time to bring them into your story. When we know our why, it becomes easier to stand in our truth with both strength and softness.
Prepare for Discomfort, Not Disaster
Families are complicated. They love us, and sometimes they fear for us. Or, more accurately, they fear what they don’t understand. If you’re met with confusion or even anger, remind yourself: Their reaction is not a measure of your worth. It’s a measure of their fear, conditioning, or lack of information.
You don’t have to convince anyone. This isn’t about converting your family to polyamory. It’s about saying, “This is how I experience love. This is who I am.” And yes, it may take time for them to process. That’s okay. We can be firm in our boundaries and generous in our assumptions. We can say, “I understand this might be new for you. I’m here if you want to talk more, when you’re ready.”
Connection Requires Truth
The foundation of true belonging is authenticity—not fitting in. Fitting in is about becoming who you think people want you to be. Belonging is about being who you are, and trusting that’s enough.
When you hide this part of your life, you might protect yourself from discomfort—but you also keep connection at arm’s length. Living bravely means we risk rejection in the service of deeper intimacy.
A Final Word: Love Is Never a Mistake
Polyamory might not be what your family expects. But it’s not a failure or a phase or a rebellion. It’s a way of loving that honors honesty, communication, and abundance. And if you’ve found people who see and love you fully, that’s something to be celebrated—not hidden.
So, now, take a breath. Speak your truth with clarity and compassion.
And remember: being open and brave in the face of uncertainty is the most powerful kind of love there is.
Read more about therapy with Andrew here.
Read more about couples therapy here.