couples therapy, relationships
Sara Stanizai
Mattering in Relationships

by Wanda Diep, LCSW.

When it comes to building and strengthening meaningful relationships, mattering plays a huge role. It’s one thing to say “you matter to me,” but there’s a different sense of security when this is felt.

Back in the 1980s, a couple researchers by the names of McCullogh and Rosenberg broke down mattering into three parts: attention, importance and dependence. It’s updated now to a version of awareness, importance and reliance. Let’s look at the three components a little more closely:

Mattering in Relationships
anxiety
Sara Stanizai
Press Pause: Tools for Cultivating ...

 by Andrew Kravig, LMFT.

We live in a world that seems to be moving faster each day—spinning with uncertainty, division, and painful change. Whether it’s the weight of global events, personal loss, or the quiet ache of feeling ungrounded, many of us are walking through life carrying more than we put into words. And in these moments—when the ground beneath us feels shaky—what we most long for is often what we most resist: compassion for ourselves.

Self-compassion is not a passive turning away from reality. It is not about excusing ourselves or avoiding discomfort. Rather, it is a courageous presence—a tender and honest attending to our own hearts. In the midst of inner and outer storms, it becomes a gateway to clarity, resilience, and peace.

Press Pause: Tools for Cultivating Self-Compassion in Tumultuous Times
couples therapy
Sara Stanizai
The Missing Pieces in the 5 Love Languages 

by Brianna Patti, LMFT.

If you’ve ever googled something like “how can i get my partner to show up for me,” you’re probably familiar with popular teachings of Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages (1992). Many people have sought solace in this ideology as they weathered impasses in their relationship. Partners who feel distanced from their significant other can receive a glimmer of hope as they read about simple prescriptions for connection that they can suggest to their partner. It’s important to honor that this framework has provided millions of people with concise language that began important conversations about deep emotional needs. 

The Missing Pieces in the 5 Love Languages 
anxiety
Sara Stanizai
Anxiety Isn’t Just in Your Head: How Stress ...

by Tiffany Hooton, LMFT.

When people think about anxiety, they usually imagine constant worrying or thoughts looping on repeat. However, anxiety, like all emotions, is not a purely cognitive experience; it also lives in the body. Tight shoulders, unexplained nausea, a racing heart, or restless nights can all be signs of stress you’re carrying without realizing it.

This connection between mind and body matters, especially in a world where stress feels increasingly inescapable. Many people are living with not just personal worries but also collective fears tied to politics and questions of safety. For LGBTQ folks, immigrants, and others navigating discrimination, uncertainty, and threats of violence, the weight of these pressures can show up as chronic stress. Paying attention to how anxiety affects the body can be a first step toward understanding what you’re going through and can offer some concrete strategies to care for yourself even when so much else feels out of your hands.

Anxiety Isn’t Just in Your Head: How Stress Shows Up in the Body
self-esteem
Sara Stanizai
Healing Begins Here: Self-Compassion in the ...

by Andrew Kravig, LMFT.

In my time working with those suffering from addiction, I have found one truth to be consistently overlooked—not by those struggling, but by the systems, narratives, and even treatments surrounding them: The absence of self-compassion.

Addiction is not a choice. It is not a moral failing. It is not, at its core, about substances or behaviors. Addiction is a response—a deeply human response—to pain. It is an attempt to soothe wounds that may not even be remembered, to quiet voices of shame that have echoed for decades, and to reclaim, if only briefly, a sense of agency in a world that once felt out of control.

Yet despite this, those struggling with addiction are often met with judgment—from others, certainly, but most tragically, from themselves.

Healing Begins Here: Self-Compassion in the Midst of Addiction

couples therapy

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Mattering in Relationships

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Mattering in Relationships

by Wanda Diep, LCSW.

When it comes to building and strengthening meaningful relationships, mattering plays a huge role. It’s one thing to say “you matter to me,” but there’s a different sense of security when this is felt.

Back in the 1980s, a couple researchers by the names of McCullogh and Rosenberg broke down mattering into three parts: attention, importance and dependence. It’s updated now to a version of awareness, importance and reliance. Let’s look at the three components a little more closely:

The Missing Pieces in the 5 Love Languages 

The Missing Pieces in the 5 Love Languages 

by Brianna Patti, LMFT.

If you’ve ever googled something like “how can i get my partner to show up for me,” you’re probably familiar with popular teachings of Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages (1992). Many people have sought solace in this ideology as they weathered impasses in their relationship. Partners who feel distanced from their significant other can receive a glimmer of hope as they read about simple prescriptions for connection that they can suggest to their partner. It’s important to honor that this framework has provided millions of people with concise language that began important conversations about deep emotional needs. 

Investing in Your Emotional Bank Account: Small Gestures that Keep Relationships Going

Investing in Your Emotional Bank Account: Small Gestures that Keep Relationships Going

by Tiffany Hooton, LMFT.

If you’ve ever been in a long-term relationship, you’ve probably learned that grand romantic gestures, while nice, can’t alone sustain a loving relationship; more often, it’s the subtler, everyday interactions that dictate much of how we feel with our partners: How you greet each other at the end of a long day, the small ways you show up, inside jokes, and a reliable shoulder to lean on when times are tough. Over time, those moments create a kind of emotional reserve. In the Gottman Method of couples therapy, we call this the emotional bank account.

The idea is simple, but profound: Every interaction between partners either deposits into or withdraws from that account. Warmth, affection, and attention all add to your balance. Criticism, dismissal, and neglect take away from it. When your emotional bank account is full, it’s easier to weather stress, misunderstandings, and conflict because you’re drawing from a well of trust and goodwill. Conversely, when it’s low, even small infractions may be enough to cause a disgruntled partner to rethink their relationship.

And, for queer and trans relationships, as well as other marginalized groups, who may already be carrying the emotional toll of navigating an often unkind world, these daily “deposits” can mean so much more, as a strong, trusting relationship (romantic or not) is sometimes our most reliable source of support and affirmation.

Brave Love: Telling Your Family You're in a Polyamorous Relationship

Brave Love: Telling Your Family You're in a Polyamorous Relationship

By Andrew Kravig, LMFT.

 

Okay, where to begin?! Let’s start with this: Leaning into vulnerability isn’t comfortable, but it’s where courage is born.

When you’re preparing to tell your family you’re in a polyamorous relationship, you're not just sharing a fact about your love life. You’re sharing something deeply personal, layered, and likely misunderstood. Something about who you are as a person and how you understand your place in the world. And that means vulnerability will have to walk hand in hand with this conversation.

But here’s what I know: Authenticity is a practice. And living wholeheartedly means choosing to show up, even when there are no guarantees. So, let’s let go of certainty, and see what vulnerable authenticity can offer us.

Here are some things to keep in mind as you approach this conversation.

Navigating Gender Norms in LGBTQ+ Relationships: How Couples Therapy Can Help

Navigating Gender Norms in LGBTQ+ Relationships: How Couples Therapy Can Help

By Tiffany Hooton, LMFT.

In today’s world, many queer couples are creating relationships that challenge traditional gender roles and expectations. However, even the most liberated among us can still struggle with shaking off the unconscious pressure of societal norms that creep into our relationships. Whether it's about who initiates intimacy, managing household tasks, gender presentation, or covert expectations around emotional expression. As a result, these unspoken scripts about how people "should" behave in relationships can lead to confusion, tension, or misunderstandings that leave partners feeling frustrated, especially when we don’t realize they’re there. That’s why exploring how these norms impact LGBTQ+ partnerships can be so important (and why couples therapy can be a powerful space for healing, connection, and growth). 

Navigating Inter-cultural Relationships: You Are More Than a Partner

Navigating Inter-cultural Relationships: You Are More Than a Partner

by Sara Stanizai, LMFT

All relationships are inter-cultural. 

We all carry our own personal, familial, cultural, national, spiritual, and other contexts with us as we try to connect with each other. 

Some of these differences are more recognizable than others. While these relationships are often rich in love and learning, they can also present unique challenges that require open communication, empathy, and a keen understanding of power dynamics. 

As a licensed marriage and family therapist and a student of Relational Life Therapy, I often draw upon the principles of RLT to help couples navigate these complexities. 

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Finding Hope and Healing with Couples Therapy and The Gottman Method

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Finding Hope and Healing with Couples Therapy and The Gottman Method

When love starts to fade, communication breaks down, and trust feels damaged beyond repair, it's easy to lose hope. In the midst of conflict and pain, it can feel as though the bond you once shared has been irreparably broken. But there is a way through the darkness. It's a path that requires courage, patience, and a willingness to change. Couples therapy, especially the research-backed Gottman Method, provides the tools and support you need to rebuild a strong, healthy partnership. It offers a lifeline in the storm, a beacon of hope that your relationship can not only survive but thrive once again. By focusing on strengthening the four pillars of a successful relationship – friendship, shared meaning, conflict management, and emotional connection – the Gottman Method offers a roadmap to healing and recovery. It equips couples with the skills and insights to break destructive patterns, rebuild trust, and create a partnership based on respect, understanding, and mutual support.

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Risks and Benefits of Couples Therapy

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Risks and Benefits of Couples Therapy

Couples therapy is a type of counseling that aims to help couples improve their relationship. This type of therapy can be beneficial in a number of ways. First and foremost, couples therapy provides a safe and supportive environment for couples to discuss their issues. This can be especially helpful for couples who struggle with communication. By working with a therapist, couples can learn to communicate more effectively and express their thoughts and feelings in a constructive way.

The Benefits of Trauma Therapy on Couples

The Benefits of Trauma Therapy on Couples

As a Gottman method couples therapist, I have seen firsthand the impact that trauma can have on a relationship. Trauma, whether it be from childhood experiences or more recent events, can leave lasting scars that can affect how we relate to our partners and ourselves. However, I have also witnessed the incredible benefits that trauma therapy can have on relationships. In this blog post, I will explore the ways in which trauma therapy can help couples heal and grow together.

Are Ultimatums in Relationships Ever a Good Idea?

Are Ultimatums in Relationships Ever a Good Idea?

I was asked to contribute to an article at Dame inspired by the Netflix original show, The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On.

I had heard of the show, but didn’t binge watch it until AFTER I contributed to this article. (My opinion didn’t really change after I finally did watch it, though.)

Essentially, I explained that boundaries are limits that we hold ourselves to. Ultimatums are expectations we put on others. And while boundaries preserve relationships, ultimatums threaten them.

What to Do If You Feel Lonely in Your Relationship: 5 Tips from a Therapist

What to Do If You Feel Lonely in Your Relationship: 5 Tips from a Therapist

If you or your partner has changed and not checked in with each other in a while, the love of your life can feel like a stranger. Maybe you stopped having sex or feel like you need to vent about the disconnect to your best friend instead of your partner.

These are pretty good signs it’s time to pause and breathe some new life into your relationship. Here are five tips from a therapist to help you alleviate feelings of loneliness.

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Jealousy in Open Relationships

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Jealousy in Open Relationships

Every relationship requires three huge factors to be successful: communication, trust, and respect. You’re not the only person with skin in the game, so you need to have a level of faith in someone else. You have to believe that they’ll respect you and your boundaries. This can take a lot of work within two people. So how does trust happen in an open or polyamorous relationship?

Many people assume that jealousy doesn’t exist in an open relationship or that people don’t have the right to be jealous when they’re committing to multiple people in various ways. But this forgets a key part of all relationships - hello, there are humans involved! Humans have feelings, needs and wants.

People in open relationships do experience jealousy, and it’s completely valid — but how do you work through these feelings? Especially if you are new to non-monogamy?

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My Loved One is Transgender

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My Loved One is Transgender

When someone important to you reveals this part of their identity, it’s normal to experience a wide range of emotions - from elated to terrified.

Though you may want to be supportive, you might also harbor feelings of rejection, worry, or even anger. Like every other emotion, these feelings aren’t forever. That said, it can certainly feel that way when you’re right in the middle of it.

Although this is new to you, it is not always new to your loved one.

So, how do you cope with these feelings? How can you get to a place of acceptance and understanding instead of fear, anger, or confusion? Depending on your specific situation and relationship to the person, there are different options to help you make sense of your feelings.

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I Still Want to Like You After This: Relationships in Quarantine

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I Still Want to Like You After This: Relationships in Quarantine

The first week or two was OK. It was fun staying in sweatpants. You enjoyed some comfort food. Made a group project out of being sure you had supplies for the time being.

Now you’re getting on each others' nerves a little bit. The cabin fever is setting in, and you're learning more than you thought possible about your partner.

These are stressful times, to be sure. A quarantine of undetermined length can certainly wear on even the strongest relationships. There’s a sentence I didn’t predict I would write. But here we are.

Here are some suggestions for how to maintain a calm and comforting environment with your partner. Bonus: These tips will remain helpful for when we emerge from this pandemic more grateful and appreciative of all our connections. xoxo

Check Your Relationship Health: 4 Indicators for Success

Check Your Relationship Health: 4 Indicators for Success

No relationship is perfect, as no single person is perfect.. But how can you tell if you’re making things better - or making things worse?

Whether your relationship is a few months old or a few decades old, there is never a wrong time to consider your relationship’s health.

No matter what specifically you’re disagreeing about, these are signs that point to strength or weak spots in your relationship.

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Why It Matters: Three Ways LGBTQ+ Affirming Couples Therapy is Different

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Why It Matters: Three Ways LGBTQ+ Affirming Couples Therapy is Different

Couples counseling can benefit any couple, of any age, at any time. But doing therapeutic work with the LGBTQ+ community is different. And I believe it should be.

The representation of couples counseling in mainstream media has focused heavily on cisgender, heterosexual, and monogamous couples. But what about the rest of us? The lack of representation shouldn’t dissuade you from getting the help your relationship needs.

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Why Happy Couples Go To Therapy

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Why Happy Couples Go To Therapy

When you think about the type of couples that go to therapy, you’re likely conjuring up an image of partners trying to work through adultery, or those who have even more serious problems. But that’s not always the case.

While it is true that you definitely should go to a therapist if you are having trouble with your partner, the real answer to “should my partner and I go to couple’s therapy?” is always yes. Read on to find out how therapy can benefit even the happiest couples.

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The Only One-Sided Relationship You Should Ever Have

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The Only One-Sided Relationship You Should Ever Have

If you’re reading this, chances are your relationships often feel one-sided, like you are the only one doing the heavy lifting, listening, connecting, reaching out, being supportive, while the other person just never seems to reciprocate.

Convenient to Long Beach and Seal Beach at:

4510 E Pacific Coast Hwy, #540, Long Beach, CA 90804

contact@prospecttherapy.com | (562) 704-4736