by Andrew Kravig, LMFT.
I find myself in quite a quandary these days, working as a psychotherapist during the age of the Tr*mp regime. I spend my days thinking about how to hold people together, the nature of healing, what it means to live authentically, and how to find an individual’s sense of meaning and direction. All of this while I (and the entire world along with me) am constantly on the verge of falling apart. Lives are being shattered, homes are being destroyed, the very notion of my existence is being censored. War, famine, greed. Straight-up fucking genocide…
Living awake and aware is to be constantly confronted by just how ugly and messy life can get. Meanwhile, we have to clock in to work, make a paycheck so that we can feed our families and make rent this month. And maybe, somewhere in all of that, we are able to find moments of peace… joy… even serenity.
What a dichotomous place to live and breathe! Or, at least, try to.
*insert my ragged breathing noises here*
So, what do we do about it? Psychotherapy has myriad approaches and methodologies, and each one has its strengths and weaknesses. I’m a firm believer that no one modality has all of the answers, but rather that it takes a proverbial village of these modalities to raise our inner child — to do the healing work so many of us need.
Some of these methodologies focus more on the interior — on the self and its internal machinations. Regulating the nervous system, doing “inner child work,” repairing the ego, etc. Post-modern psychology introduced some new schools of thought, ones which shifted focus away from the individual ego and toward the influences of one’s environment.
Feminist therapy is a great example of this.
It gives us the opportunity to ask “Hey, what if you’re not the broken one…? What if the systems are broken? What if the systems are stacked against you and those in power are literally pinning you to the ground?” These methodologies ask us to widen the aperture and examine the structural confines that control — that tell us that we are broken.
“What if your disabled/feminine/queer/black/brown/immigrant/minority body is trying to survive in a world that constantly threatens it?” What if your nervous system isn’t “out of whack,” maybe it’s accurately responding to the constant threat of your environment?
These post-modern modalities are enlightening and meaningful, but also quite frustrating… Because I can help you regulate your nervous system, but I can’t tell you how to change the world. At least, not yet (I’ll be sure to let you know when and if that changes!). We can be aware and awake to the systems of power around us, but the pain won’t stop until something changes. How do can I help you tolerate the pain until something does change?
This is the part where being a psychotherapist sucks.
When it starts to feel like you’re just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.
I don’t know how to navigate “unprecedented times.” None of us has ever been here before. Least of all me. But in my work, I believe that all of the modalities in psychology need to come to bear, so that we can meet this unprecedented moment with a modicum of sanity. Meaning, let’s be really clear about the oppressive circumstances around us, and then let’s find ways to stay sane in the midst of them. So, today we are going to control what’s controllable and learn to practice DBT regulation techniques. Time to clear our minds and find the energy to fight some fascists.
You with me?
Good :)
Let’s talk about mindfulness.
Mindfulness is often described as “being present in the moment” (even if the present moment feels intolerable). In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), mindfulness is more than a relaxation exercise. It’s a skill that helps us notice what is happening inside and around us without immediately reacting or judging ourselves.
Importantly, mindfulness is not about forcing yourself to feel calm or positive. It is about learning to observe your experience with curiosity and compassion.
How Does DBT Use Mindfulness?
DBT teaches four groups of skills: mindfulness, emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness. Mindfulness is the foundation for all of them. When you strengthen mindfulness, you build the ability to:
Notice emotions before they become overwhelming
Pause between a feeling and a reaction
Recognize internalized criticism or shame without automatically believing it
Stay connected to your values and identity even when external environments are stressful
For individuals whose identities are frequently questioned or invalidated, this ability to return to your own inner experience can be deeply stabilizing, even life-changing.
DBT breaks mindfulness down into three core skills — they are basically steps to help you relate to your own experience. Confusing? Keep following me, I’ll try to lay it out for you.
Step 1. Observe
Observing means noticing what is happening—without needing to change it. You might observe:
Your breath moving in and out
The feeling of your feet on the ground
A thought passing through your mind
A wave of anxiety or excitement
For example:
“I’m noticing my shoulders are tight.”
“I’m noticing the thought that people are judging me.”
The goal is not to analyze the experience. Just notice it. For neurodivergent people especially, observation can include sensory awareness—sound, texture, light, or movement.
Step 2. Describe
After observing, you can simply and gently put words to what you noticed. Describing might look like:
“My chest feels heavy.”
“I’m feeling nervous about this meeting.”
“My brain keeps jumping between ideas.”
If you are multilingual, I would suggest describing experiences in whatever language feels most natural. Mindfulness works in any language—the important part is naming your internal experience.
Step 3. Participate
Participating means fully engaging in the moment rather than staying stuck in your thoughts.
Examples include:
Being fully present during a conversation
Getting absorbed in the act of cooking your favorite meal, perhaps the way your grandma taught you
Dancing to your favorite song when it comes on the radio
Engaging in a hobby or creative activity
Participation helps shift attention from constant self-monitoring and multi-tasking to living in the moment. For many people navigating identity-based stress, participation can be a way of reconnecting with joy and belonging.
It is also important to teach ourselves how to practice mindfulness. DBT has three basic principles for this as well:
1. Non-judgmentally. Try to notice experiences without labeling them as good or bad.
2. One-Mindfully. Basically, focusing on one thing at a time.
3. Effectively. Effectiveness means asking: “What will help in this moment?”
Okay, it’s time to try it out, don’t you think?
Here is a simple, 2-minute mindfulness practice that you can try anywhere.
1. Sit comfortably or stand with your feet on the ground.
2. Take one slow breath in.
3. Notice three things you can see.
4. Notice two things you can feel in your body.
5. Notice one sound around you.
If thoughts arise like “I’m doing this wrong,” simply notice the thought and return to the exercise. There is no perfect way to practice mindfulness.
In a world where survival requires constant adaptation and hypervigilance, returning to yourself can be a revolutionary act. Mindfulness offers a way to come home to your own experience, even when the outside world feels uncertain.
Every moment of noticing your breath, your body, or your emotions is a small act of self-connection.
And that connection is something no one can take away.
If you’re interested in learning more about DBT skills, consider seeking a therapist or skills group that practices culturally responsive and gender-affirming care. Mindfulness is most powerful when practiced in a space where your full identity is respected.
Read more about therapy with Andrew here.