You can never lose an argument you’re not trying to win. Tiffany Hooton, LMFT, shares tools from the Gottman Method and EFT to help queer couples slow down, listen, and turn conflict into connection.
couples therapy, relationships
You can never lose an argument you’re not trying to win. Tiffany Hooton, LMFT, shares tools from the Gottman Method and EFT to help queer couples slow down, listen, and turn conflict into connection.
trauma, relationships
by Sara Stanizai, LMFT.
In part one, I wrote about why the guilt and grief that show up when you change your relationship with your family aren't fully yours to begin with, they're often inherited, carried feelings that started with a parent and got handed down. If you haven't read that piece yet, start there.
Here's where it gets more complicated: Once you start questioning a pattern in your family, it's easy to start wondering whether you're questioning your whole culture instead.
trauma
By Sara Stanizai, LMFT.
If you've been in therapy, or just read a lot about it online, and then started trying to make some changes with your family — saying no to things, questioning expectations, even putting yourself first — you know it's not just a clean sweep and you feel better immediately. It doesn't work like that. It doesn't feel like that.
Guilt and grief show up the second you do something for yourself. That swooping, heavy feeling right when you finally make some space, right when you finally say no to something you used to automatically say yes to.
It makes sense, you did a mean thing, and now you feel bad. Except, no, it doesn't.
You probably expect your therapist to tell you not to feel bad, that you're not actually doing a mean thing. But especially for certain cultures, that doesn't really apply. Saying "don't feel bad" isn't really therapeutic.
What I actually want to tell you is: that guilt is not yours. It's your parent's.
And hopefully after you read this, that heavy, too-fast guilt is going to make a lot more sense, along with what to actually do about it.
by Brianna Patti, LMFT.
If you were born between 1981 and 1996 and haven't decided whether or not you want kids, you're in good company.
anxiety
by Wanda Diep, LCSW.
I've been reflecting on uncertainty and acceptance quite a bit lately. In both my personal and professional life, I hear people talk about uncertainty related to finances, job security, relationships, the climate, politics, etc. (I can definitely go on), and how this uncertainty has been fuel for anxiety, rumination, catastrophizing thoughts, frustration outward or anger inward. People search for solutions to alleviate the distress, and as a fellow human being, I've definitely leaned into a solution-oriented mindset to find relief. But what happens when there doesn't seem to be a concrete solution? What is to be done when it's hard to find certainty or have control or influence over a situation? This is when acceptance can be a tool to try.
