anxiety
Sara Stanizai
How to Practice Acceptance When You Can't ...

by Wanda Diep, LCSW.

I've been reflecting on uncertainty and acceptance quite a bit lately. In both my personal and professional life, I hear people talk about uncertainty related to finances, job security, relationships, the climate, politics, etc. (I can definitely go on), and how this uncertainty has been fuel for anxiety, rumination, catastrophizing thoughts, frustration outward or anger inward. People search for solutions to alleviate the distress, and as a fellow human being, I've definitely leaned into a solution-oriented mindset to find relief. But what happens when there doesn't seem to be a concrete solution? What is to be done when it's hard to find certainty or have control or influence over a situation? This is when acceptance can be a tool to try.

How to Practice Acceptance When You Can't Control the Outcome
couples therapy
Sara Stanizai
The Difference Between a Stable Relationship ...

by Sara Stanizai, LMFT.

There's a specific kind of couple I see a lot, and you might be one of them. You've been together a long time. There are shared finances, sometimes tied up in property or a business you built together, and a shared history at this point that would be genuinely painful to untangle.

From the outside, and often from the inside too, it looks like it's working. But somewhere along the way, one or each of you stopped being emotionally reachable. Not hostile, just quietly unavailable in a way neither of you ever fully said out loud.

If that's you, especially if your relationship was never going to fit the default script to begin with, (maybe you're queer or trans, maybe one or both of you is somewhere in transition, whether that's a career, a diagnosis, a move, a loss, or some other life milestone that's changed who you are mid-relationship, maybe you're navigating two different cultures' worth of rules about how a relationship is supposed to work, or maybe, like a lot of people, it's honestly some combination of all of the above), here's what I think is actually going on.

The Difference Between a Stable Relationship and an Intimate One
couples therapy
Sara Stanizai
What a Couples Therapy Intensive Does ...

by Sara Stanizai, LMFT.

Most people who reach out to me have already done real therapy, sometimes for years, and can describe their relationship with genuine accuracy: the pattern, the roles, the whole shape of it. That was never going to be enough on its own. Here's the structural thing weekly therapy just isn't built to do, no matter how good the therapist is.

What a Couples Therapy Intensive Does Differently
couples therapy
Sara Stanizai
Why Couples Therapy Hasn't Worked Yet

by Sara Stanizai, LMFT.

You can know exactly what's wrong with your relationship, be able to give a TED talk on it, and still be completely unable to stop it.

Most couples who sit down with me have already done the work of naming their own dynamic somewhere else, sometimes years of somewhere else. They know who pursues and who withdraws, they know what sets it off, and they're still stuck, because understanding a pattern and actually interrupting it in real time are two entirely different skills, and almost nobody ever gets taught the second one.

Here's what's usually going on underneath the fight you haven't been able to fix.

Why Couples Therapy Hasn't Worked Yet
couples therapy
Sara Stanizai
Understanding Boundaries, Needs, and Desire in ...

by Tiffany Hooton, LMFT.

Think about the last time you felt truly at ease in a relationship, not just comfortable, but safe. Safe enough to say what you wanted. Safe enough to say what you didn't. For many of us, that kind of ease isn't something that comes automatically. It's built, slowly, through a thousand small moments of honesty and repair.

Understanding Boundaries, Needs, and Desire in Long-Term Relationships

couples therapy

The Difference Between a Stable Relationship and an Intimate One

The Difference Between a Stable Relationship and an Intimate One

by Sara Stanizai, LMFT.

There's a specific kind of couple I see a lot, and you might be one of them. You've been together a long time. There are shared finances, sometimes tied up in property or a business you built together, and a shared history at this point that would be genuinely painful to untangle.

From the outside, and often from the inside too, it looks like it's working. But somewhere along the way, one or each of you stopped being emotionally reachable. Not hostile, just quietly unavailable in a way neither of you ever fully said out loud.

If that's you, especially if your relationship was never going to fit the default script to begin with, (maybe you're queer or trans, maybe one or both of you is somewhere in transition, whether that's a career, a diagnosis, a move, a loss, or some other life milestone that's changed who you are mid-relationship, maybe you're navigating two different cultures' worth of rules about how a relationship is supposed to work, or maybe, like a lot of people, it's honestly some combination of all of the above), here's what I think is actually going on.

What a Couples Therapy Intensive Does Differently

What a Couples Therapy Intensive Does Differently

by Sara Stanizai, LMFT.

Most people who reach out to me have already done real therapy, sometimes for years, and can describe their relationship with genuine accuracy: the pattern, the roles, the whole shape of it. That was never going to be enough on its own. Here's the structural thing weekly therapy just isn't built to do, no matter how good the therapist is.

Why Couples Therapy Hasn't Worked Yet

Why Couples Therapy Hasn't Worked Yet

by Sara Stanizai, LMFT.

You can know exactly what's wrong with your relationship, be able to give a TED talk on it, and still be completely unable to stop it.

Most couples who sit down with me have already done the work of naming their own dynamic somewhere else, sometimes years of somewhere else. They know who pursues and who withdraws, they know what sets it off, and they're still stuck, because understanding a pattern and actually interrupting it in real time are two entirely different skills, and almost nobody ever gets taught the second one.

Here's what's usually going on underneath the fight you haven't been able to fix.

My Partner Just Told Me They’re Questioning Their Gender: A Practical Guide for Cis Partners (pt. 2)

My Partner Just Told Me They’re Questioning Their Gender: A Practical Guide for Cis Partners (pt. 2)

by Tiffany Hooton, LMFT.

In a previous post (which you can find here), we discussed some  common reactions a person might experience when their significant other first comes out to them as trans or gender questioning as well as ways to begin unpacking some of those more complicated tangles of emotions. This, however, only scratches the surface when it comes to navigating transition in relationships.

My Partner Just Told Me They’re Questioning Their Gender: A Practical Guide for Cis Partners (pt. 1)

My Partner Just Told Me They’re Questioning Their Gender: A Practical Guide for Cis Partners (pt. 1)

by Tiffany Hooton, LMFT.

Imagine you’re standing in a parking lot, just about to head into work, when you check your phone. There’s a message from your partner: They think they might be trans. They know a text isn’t ideal. That it might feel impersonal, but the words get stuck in their throat whenever they try to muster the courage to say something. Just writing that sentence took everything.

How might you feel in that situation? How do you imagine you would respond?

There is no playbook for when a partner comes out to you, especially in those critical moments when they need you most and, for some, this news can come as a shock.

Navigating Inter-cultural Relationships: You Are More Than a Partner

Navigating Inter-cultural Relationships: You Are More Than a Partner

by Sara Stanizai, LMFT

All relationships are inter-cultural. 

We all carry our own personal, familial, cultural, national, spiritual, and other contexts with us as we try to connect with each other. 

Some of these differences are more recognizable than others. While these relationships are often rich in love and learning, they can also present unique challenges that require open communication, empathy, and a keen understanding of power dynamics. 

As a licensed marriage and family therapist and a student of Relational Life Therapy, I often draw upon the principles of RLT to help couples navigate these complexities. 

Relational Trauma and its Lasting Impact

Relational Trauma and its Lasting Impact

Hear me out.

Let’s say you have a broken blender at home. Every time you try to make a smoothie, it tips off the counter and splashes your fruit purée all over the kitchen floor. Sometimes you can salvage some of the smoothie, but most of the time, it just leaves you hungry, flinching, and trying to block out the loud whirring, while covered in a mess of mangled fruit and yogurt. You end up feeling like you’ll never get that refreshing sip you came for!

Abusive relationships are similar in that they leave us with reflexive jumpiness, feelings of mistrust, emptiness, and hopelessness. Although instead of fearing fruit purée, we end up fearing people. Sometimes people we love deeply.

But your relationships don’t have to feel like a broken blender. Finding those healthy relationships may not always be as easy as driving to the store and picking up a new appliance, but there are steps you can take and principles you can follow to avoid the traumatic mess of unhealthy relationships. Here are some pointers to help you identify and avoid toxic relationships and the damage they leave behind.

Are Ultimatums in Relationships Ever a Good Idea?

Are Ultimatums in Relationships Ever a Good Idea?

I was asked to contribute to an article at Dame inspired by the Netflix original show, The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On.

I had heard of the show, but didn’t binge watch it until AFTER I contributed to this article. (My opinion didn’t really change after I finally did watch it, though.)

Essentially, I explained that boundaries are limits that we hold ourselves to. Ultimatums are expectations we put on others. And while boundaries preserve relationships, ultimatums threaten them.

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I Still Want to Like You After This: Relationships in Quarantine

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I Still Want to Like You After This: Relationships in Quarantine

The first week or two was OK. It was fun staying in sweatpants. You enjoyed some comfort food. Made a group project out of being sure you had supplies for the time being.

Now you’re getting on each others' nerves a little bit. The cabin fever is setting in, and you're learning more than you thought possible about your partner.

These are stressful times, to be sure. A quarantine of undetermined length can certainly wear on even the strongest relationships. There’s a sentence I didn’t predict I would write. But here we are.

Here are some suggestions for how to maintain a calm and comforting environment with your partner. Bonus: These tips will remain helpful for when we emerge from this pandemic more grateful and appreciative of all our connections. xoxo

Check Your Relationship Health: 4 Indicators for Success

Check Your Relationship Health: 4 Indicators for Success

No relationship is perfect, as no single person is perfect.. But how can you tell if you’re making things better - or making things worse?

Whether your relationship is a few months old or a few decades old, there is never a wrong time to consider your relationship’s health.

No matter what specifically you’re disagreeing about, these are signs that point to strength or weak spots in your relationship.

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Why It Matters: Three Ways LGBTQ+ Affirming Couples Therapy is Different

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Why It Matters: Three Ways LGBTQ+ Affirming Couples Therapy is Different

Couples counseling can benefit any couple, of any age, at any time. But doing therapeutic work with the LGBTQ+ community is different. And I believe it should be.

The representation of couples counseling in mainstream media has focused heavily on cisgender, heterosexual, and monogamous couples. But what about the rest of us? The lack of representation shouldn’t dissuade you from getting the help your relationship needs.

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Why Happy Couples Go To Therapy

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Why Happy Couples Go To Therapy

When you think about the type of couples that go to therapy, you’re likely conjuring up an image of partners trying to work through adultery, or those who have even more serious problems. But that’s not always the case.

While it is true that you definitely should go to a therapist if you are having trouble with your partner, the real answer to “should my partner and I go to couple’s therapy?” is always yes. Read on to find out how therapy can benefit even the happiest couples.

How to Tell if your Partner Respects You

How to Tell if your Partner Respects You

Couples sometimes panic when they start having the same disagreement over and over again. They're worried it's a sign of a fundamental mismatch in their relationship. They may avoid the disagreement to avoid potentially ending the relationship. But that makes things worse!

I spoke with Jamie Kravitz at Elite Daily a few weeks ago about how to tell if your partner respects you. I believe that almost any relationship can be improved, and a disagreement (even a frustrating, recurring one) doesn't necessarily mean the end. 

It's OK to go to Bed Angry

It's OK to go to Bed Angry

You're the type that wants to solve the issue right away. You don't like letting things linger. You want to get to the bottom of it and make sure it doesn't happen again. Maybe you're secretly worried that you can't work through this? So you keep at it, determined to resolve it. 

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What Happens in Couples Therapy?

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What Happens in Couples Therapy?

Most couples are unhappy for an average of 6 years before deciding to try therapy together. Whatever the reason (stigma associated with counseling, not wanting to admit they are "that couple," prioritizing work over their relationship, etc.), by the time they decide to try therapy, they aren't sure what happens next. Here's a little of what you can expect:

Convenient to Long Beach and Seal Beach at:

4510 E Pacific Coast Hwy, #540, Long Beach, CA 90804

contact@prospecttherapy.com | (562) 704-4736