trauma, relationships
Sara Stanizai
Is It Your Culture, or Is It Your Family?

by Sara Stanizai, LMFT.

In part one, I wrote about why the guilt and grief that show up when you change your relationship with your family aren't fully yours to begin with, they're often inherited, carried feelings that started with a parent and got handed down. If you haven't read that piece yet, start there.

Here's where it gets more complicated: Once you start questioning a pattern in your family, it's easy to start wondering whether you're questioning your whole culture instead.

Is It Your Culture, or Is It Your Family?
trauma
Sara Stanizai
Why You Feel Guilty When You Change Your ...

By Sara Stanizai, LMFT.

If you've been in therapy, or just read a lot about it online, and then started trying to make some changes with your family — saying no to things, questioning expectations, even putting yourself first — you know it's not just a clean sweep and you feel better immediately. It doesn't work like that. It doesn't feel like that.

Guilt and grief show up the second you do something for yourself. That swooping, heavy feeling right when you finally make some space, right when you finally say no to something you used to automatically say yes to.

It makes sense, you did a mean thing, and now you feel bad. Except, no, it doesn't.

You probably expect your therapist to tell you not to feel bad, that you're not actually doing a mean thing. But especially for certain cultures, that doesn't really apply. Saying "don't feel bad" isn't really therapeutic.

What I actually want to tell you is: that guilt is not yours. It's your parent's.

And hopefully after you read this, that heavy, too-fast guilt is going to make a lot more sense, along with what to actually do about it.

Why You Feel Guilty When You Change Your Relationship With Your Family
Sara Stanizai
Millennials are thinking about kids all the time

by Brianna Patti, LMFT.

If you were born between 1981 and 1996 and haven't decided whether or not you want kids, you're in good company.

Millennials are thinking about kids all the time
anxiety
Sara Stanizai
How to Practice Acceptance When You Can't ...

by Wanda Diep, LCSW.

I've been reflecting on uncertainty and acceptance quite a bit lately. In both my personal and professional life, I hear people talk about uncertainty related to finances, job security, relationships, the climate, politics, etc. (I can definitely go on), and how this uncertainty has been fuel for anxiety, rumination, catastrophizing thoughts, frustration outward or anger inward. People search for solutions to alleviate the distress, and as a fellow human being, I've definitely leaned into a solution-oriented mindset to find relief. But what happens when there doesn't seem to be a concrete solution? What is to be done when it's hard to find certainty or have control or influence over a situation? This is when acceptance can be a tool to try.

How to Practice Acceptance When You Can't Control the Outcome
couples therapy
Sara Stanizai
The Difference Between a Stable Relationship ...

by Sara Stanizai, LMFT.

There's a specific kind of couple I see a lot, and you might be one of them. You've been together a long time. There are shared finances, sometimes tied up in property or a business you built together, and a shared history at this point that would be genuinely painful to untangle.

From the outside, and often from the inside too, it looks like it's working. But somewhere along the way, one or each of you stopped being emotionally reachable. Not hostile, just quietly unavailable in a way neither of you ever fully said out loud.

If that's you, especially if your relationship was never going to fit the default script to begin with, (maybe you're queer or trans, maybe one or both of you is somewhere in transition, whether that's a career, a diagnosis, a move, a loss, or some other life milestone that's changed who you are mid-relationship, maybe you're navigating two different cultures' worth of rules about how a relationship is supposed to work, or maybe, like a lot of people, it's honestly some combination of all of the above), here's what I think is actually going on.

The Difference Between a Stable Relationship and an Intimate One

millennials

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The Five Types of Impostor Syndrome

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The Five Types of Impostor Syndrome

Have you ever felt like you’re living a life you don’t deserve? Or, that you are offered opportunities you aren’t qualified for?

Turns out, even the highest achievers go through the same thing as you, and it’s called the impostor syndrome.

Impostor syndrome affects 70 percent of millennials and counting. This syndrome is defined as an extreme case of self-doubt. So extreme that it stops you from chasing your dreams or sharing your experiences with those that are two steps behind you.

It’s the inability to internalize (or believe) in your success despite external evidence of that success.

You constantly think everything you do is fraudulent. But guess what? You are worthy of your experiences. You have earned your place no matter what stage of life, or your career, you are in.

The 5 types of impostor syndrome are:

  1. The Perfectionist: You set your own bar a little too high, because reaching a goal means it must not have been that hard to do.

  2. The SuperHuman: Overworking yourself means you’re the best, right?

  3. The Natural Genius: Really good at stuff, but only do what’s comfortable.

  4. The Soloist: Thinks asking for help shows weakness.

  5. The Expert: You know your stuff but freeze when someone asks you to demonstrate your competence.

This syndrome may stop you from reaching your biggest career goals or pushing yourself to grow. If you think you may be dealing with impostor syndrome, Mint created an infographic explaining the different types, how each type may affect your finances, and tips to overcoming it.

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How to Forge Your Own Path When You Feel Left Behind by Your Peers

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How to Forge Your Own Path When You Feel Left Behind by Your Peers

Does it feel like no matter what you do, you aren’t accomplishing as much as your peers?

If you’re feeling left behind, you aren’t alone. It’s common for everyone to experience this mindset from time to time, especially young people. Early adulthood is a time when many people are exploring their place in the world.

What we don't hear about as often, are the people who later in life are changing careers, exploring their sexuality, or moving to a new city -- without it being framed as a gimmick, an anomaly, or some Under the Tuscan Sun BS.

The truth is, any choice you make deliberately is the right choice for you.

Convenient to Long Beach and Seal Beach at:

4510 E Pacific Coast Hwy, #540, Long Beach, CA 90804

contact@prospecttherapy.com | (562) 704-4736