As a child with ADHD, I often found it difficult to focus, stay organized, and manage my emotions. However, I discovered that play was one of the most effective ways to alleviate my symptoms and improve my overall well-being.
Career Complacency: What To Do When you Don't Know What To Do With Your Life
Do you ever get jealous of those people who have it all figured out?
Like they knew from a very young age that they wanted to be a veterinarian or a teacher and they just pursued it and ended up with a job they love?
Meanwhile, you might feel a little lost and not sure what your passion is. And work is fine, but you wish you cared more about it.
Is it normal to have no idea what you want to do with your life?
Um, yes, it is.
But actually you probably have some idea. It probably just got clouded by all the pressures you’re facing, some bad past experiences with jobs, and maybe an outdated image of what you thought you wanted but never re-evaluated.
5 Signs You Sold Your Soul to Your Job… & How to Get it Back
Jobs typically give you set hours. Once your shift ends, so should the work you do. However, some assignments can feel inescapable when you answer emails or are called in on your days off. Before you know it, your life before you got this job could disappear.
You would not be the first person who has felt they sold their soul for their job. You may be someone who has to work a dissatisfying job to support yourself or your family. Maybe you want to devote yourself to a job you love. The problem is that it can feel like you are never off work. Before you know it, you dedicate your time and energy solely to your job instead of your own needs.
Five Habits That Change When You Begin to Trust Yourself
What is self-trust?
It’s more than self-compassion, or self-esteem. It’s not thinking you’re great all the time, or ignoring your faults. It’s also not beating yourself up for mistakes, or “not living your highest potential.”
Self-Trust is a byproduct of integrating all the parts of yourself and radically accepting them.
When you start to internalize acceptance of yourself, it changes the way you operate in the world. These are five habits that change when you begin to trust yourself:
I'm Not Too Cool for a New Year's Resolution
December 31 is my favorite day of the year! No matter what we've been through, tomorrow is a new day.
Everyone's talking about goal-setting right about now. I'm not too cool to join in. No matter how difficult things are, setting a vision and intention helps me feel like I have some agency over the things in my life. Even when — ESPECIALLY WHEN — most things feel really out of my hands.
I love dreaming about the future and creating my life around that vision. It doesn’t always go as planned. Sometimes it goes WAY OFF track. And sometimes that vision changes without me realizing it.
Even if it feels unrealistic, indulgent, or hopeless. I would much rather be married to my hopes and dreams than be married to my struggle.
Dreaming doesn’t mean ignoring oppression and obstacles. We can be painfully cognizant of the myriad reasons why things are difficult. Often more difficult for us than for others. We have no choice but to acknowledge them, and we should.
But we can also look past those barriers. It’s not like instilling hope means I will accidentally forget what’s holding me back. I’m reminded of those obstacles every day.
We can hold our baggage and our plane ticket at the same time.
If you have the courage and vulnerability to say "This is what I want for myself,” I’m rooting for you. Here are some of my best reminders for setting your goals, whenever you’re ready to start.
How Slowing Down Can Get You to Your Goals Faster
In our society, we tend to overlook the importance of rest. From a young age, we already have a lot to do: school, homework, socializing, working, and so much more. And it’s not like we take many breaks throughout the stages of our lives.
Many of us attend school for years and then immediately enter the workforce. While it’s great to be motivated and chase your dreams, prioritizing rest is also essential. Taking breaks and resting does not make you lazy or unmotivated — it’s an active part of your overall progress.
Why High Achievers Avoid Therapy (and why they shouldn't)
If you’ve been a high-achiever for most of your life, you’ve gotten used to chasing - and finding - success. It’s not an accident that you’ve exceeded in academics, your social life, and in your career. Sure, this drive often comes from a deep desire to be liked and to compensate for deficits (emotional or otherwise) from your childhood. But who wants to talk about that?
We do!
When you’re busy juggling a career, relationships, hobbies, and a social life, it’s easy to ignore emotional or mental health issues. You might not even notice there are issues to avoid in first place. Everything is fine as long as I keep saying it is, right? This is what we in the biz call super-avoidance. (No one calls it that.)
Self-described “alphas” often get that way by ruthlessly prioritizing. And therapy might not be the highest priority on your list. If everything is fine, why rock a steady boat?
While this isn’t always the case, sometimes that very success that we are so proud of, comes at the price of our mental health. What types of emotions and experiences have you given up in order to meet arbitrary milestones, to meet that long-fetishized muse named productivity, or to please someone in authority?
As long as you continue to ignore your mental well-being, it will soon affect other aspects of your life. As they say, if you don’t make time for your wellness, you’ll have to make time for your illness.
What is Impostor Syndrome and How Does it Affect People Like Me?
Impostor Syndrome or Impostor Phenomenon s a term coined by Pauline Clance in 1978, based on her research studies of high-achieving women in university settings. It is characterized by people of all genders who are successful by reasonable external measures but have not internalized this success. Instead, they report that their success was gained either by accident, an oversight by others, or that they are generally a fraud, waiting to be found out.
While it was originally researched among college women, newer research suggests that it is experienced across the board. Which makes sense - people of all genders experience specific societal expectations, and struggle with self-image.
One of our specialties is working with high-functioning anxiety, perfectionism, and impostor syndrome, particularly in bicultural, first-generation, and immigrant Americans. There is a great deal of impostor syndrome in people who are acculturating to mainstream American culture. It’s exacerbated by the tendency that these folks are often acculturating at a rate faster than their families of origin, so people often don’t have the same “back-up” and reinforcement from their families. In this way, they may feel like they are unintentionally “leaving their families behind.”
One of the side effects of balancing your family's values and expectations with your own, is that people often feel like a failure by one set of standards (their family's), despite being successful by another set of measures (mainstream culture). And their own values are caught somewhere in the middle.
When your primary support system (your family) doesn’t know how to validate your success, you can start to believe it doesn’t count. Many bicultural people feel that their families don’t understand their work, their lifestyle, or some aspect of their identity. Compliments can feel stale or superficial. Or you might just stop sharing good news altogether because the response is disappointing.
There are other effects of impostor syndrome as well. It can cause people to hold themselves back from their goals, it can cause social and relational isolation, and can exacerbate existing symptoms of anxiety or depression. There is that self-fulfilling prophecy of not believing you are worthy of advancement, so people stop offering you opportunities, thus reinforcing your feelings of inadequacy.
The Five Types of Impostor Syndrome
Have you ever felt like you’re living a life you don’t deserve? Or, that you are offered opportunities you aren’t qualified for?
Turns out, even the highest achievers go through the same thing as you, and it’s called the impostor syndrome.
Impostor syndrome affects 70 percent of millennials and counting. This syndrome is defined as an extreme case of self-doubt. So extreme that it stops you from chasing your dreams or sharing your experiences with those that are two steps behind you.
It’s the inability to internalize (or believe) in your success despite external evidence of that success.
You constantly think everything you do is fraudulent. But guess what? You are worthy of your experiences. You have earned your place no matter what stage of life, or your career, you are in.
The 5 types of impostor syndrome are:
The Perfectionist: You set your own bar a little too high, because reaching a goal means it must not have been that hard to do.
The SuperHuman: Overworking yourself means you’re the best, right?
The Natural Genius: Really good at stuff, but only do what’s comfortable.
The Soloist: Thinks asking for help shows weakness.
The Expert: You know your stuff but freeze when someone asks you to demonstrate your competence.
This syndrome may stop you from reaching your biggest career goals or pushing yourself to grow. If you think you may be dealing with impostor syndrome, Mint created an infographic explaining the different types, how each type may affect your finances, and tips to overcoming it.
How to Forge Your Own Path When You Feel Left Behind by Your Peers
Does it feel like no matter what you do, you aren’t accomplishing as much as your peers?
If you’re feeling left behind, you aren’t alone. It’s common for everyone to experience this mindset from time to time, especially young people. Early adulthood is a time when many people are exploring their place in the world.
What we don't hear about as often, are the people who later in life are changing careers, exploring their sexuality, or moving to a new city -- without it being framed as a gimmick, an anomaly, or some Under the Tuscan Sun BS.
The truth is, any choice you make deliberately is the right choice for you.
Straddling two worlds: Fostering Immigrant Communities of Healing
In so many recent conversations, I’ve heard about the specific challenges experienced by immigrant communities and first- and second-generation Americans. Like so many things, putting a name and framework to a cluster of experiences can be immensely healing.
For many of us, we don’t realize the impact of this identity — until we do.
It’s a strange experience trying to pay back an invaluable debt that you didn’t really ask for but very much appreciate.
I spoke with Lindsey Phillips at Counseling Today about what it’s like to work with my community therapeutically. She ended up writing an excellent article about the specific mental health challenges experienced by first- and second-generation Americans and how we can find healing.
When Self-Care Becomes Self-Sabotage
It can be hard to tell, but sometimes our “self-care” routines are bordering on self-sabotage, and they’re not good for us at all. While it is essential to treat yourself from time to time, and also create an environment that isn’t toxic and burning you out, it’s just as important to recognize when your habits start holding you back.
Everyday self-care routines can become harmful if they’re done too frequently, or for the wrong reasons.
Try This Next Time You Want to Change a Habit
#FirstGenerationProblems: It Matters Where You Come From
Sure, all kinds of parents can be over-protective. Some families may expect you to work (or stay home) depending on your age, gender, or the type of work you want to do. But immigrant communities have an added layer of stress built in, that other people don’t have to contend with. Getting a car or a diploma means so much more to us, and it may not necessarily be seen as a good thing.
Parents are acculturating at a different rate than their kids who are born or raised in America, and they really just want what’s best for you. But the accompanying ambivalence and inner conflict can lead to internalized feelings of unease, and can impact so many aspects of your life and relationships.
Things like choosing a more “palatable” name, only speaking English, choosing an unexpected career, avoiding cultural social circles, or even your romantic preferences are all places this conflict can manifest.
You Might Be a Perfectionist
It’s natural to want to succeed at the things you do. But when does striving for achievement become perfectionism?
Perfectionist tendencies are the combination of wanting to do our best, while simultaneously feeling like we never actually do.
Having high standards and wanting to pursue excellence can be helpful qualities. Without them, one could argue, everyone and everything would stay mediocre.
But this is different from perfectionism, which is less about an excellent result, and more hyperfocused on not making any mistakes or having flaws.
When perfectionists make mistakes, they feel like a complete failure, fixate on the negative, and have anxiety or depression over their perceived flaws.
When people with high standards make mistakes, they forgive themselves, see it as “part of the process,” learn from it, and are not deterred from their pursuit.
How can you tell which one you are?
What Your Therapist's Fee Says About Them
If you can’t afford groceries because of your therapy bills, you’re seeing the wrong therapist.
I don’t care how much you like them, how chunky their jewelry is, or how hip their eyeglass frames are. If therapy is taking away too much from other parts of your life, you’re going to hate the process.
But therapy should be a little bit uncomfortable for you as the client.
An exchange of resources - time, money, energy - helps you both be accountable to the process. But what’s a fair price for that work?
A good therapist should be able to answer that question.
Adulting 101: Mental Health Needs for Young Adults
For some people, relationships have always been easy but they have never had a job or subject in school they enjoyed. For others, they’ve always known what they would do for work, but socially they feel like the perpetual outsider. And some people don’t feel like anything comes easy—what a stressful place to start in!
If you’re a young adult and you feel like you’re struggling, you are most definitely not alone.
Feeling Like a Fraud? How to Identify Impostor Syndrome
Many people can be socially awkward from time to time. It’s normal to experience periods of self-doubt. It’s natural (and healthy!) to second guess ourselves sometimes, too.
The important thing about impostor syndrome (rather than just regular anxiety or self-esteem issues) is that despite fears of being inadequate, you are wholly qualified to be doing what you’re doing.
Add to Cart: What Are You Really Shopping For?
Sometimes, your day just really sucks. So you re-do your most recent Postmates order, put your favorite Broad City episode on for the eighty millionth time, and open up ASOS to look at the new arrivals. Two hours later, you’ve spent all your grocery money for the week on the cute shoes you felt like you absolutely needed. (They sold out last time!)
What if You Made Friends with Your Depression?
If you’ve been living with depression, you have probably tried everything to get rid of it.
It’s not as easy as just “cheering up” or “focusing on the positive,” is it? Well-meaning friends and family love giving this advice, but obviously if you could, you would have by now! Instead, you’ve tried distracting yourself by trying to constantly have fun, avoiding uncomfortable situations and focusing on anything that could be considered “self-care” (whatever that means), or just giving in and staying in bed, hoping it would clear up.
Sometimes that works! But inevitably, it comes back. Then you’re not only depressed, but frustrated that you’ve “let” depression take over again, which makes you even more depressed, irritable, and exhausted.
It’s totally normal to avoid things that make us feel uncomfortable. Whether it’s physical pain like a toothache, or something hitting us in our emotional gut, like a bill we can’t afford to pay. For some, if left unchecked, this can lead to even more depression. Avoidance and procrastination can tend to make things worse, despite the fact that they are usually just coping mechanisms for situations that are overwhelming or feel out of our control.