Sara Stanizai
I’m having feelings about my feelings! What to ...

by Wanda Diep, LCSW.

 Have you felt that lingering pang of guilt after feeling upset or even pissed the hell off at someone you care about deeply? Or frustrated when you notice feeling upset after something that’s “small” or “not worth getting emotional over”?

What you notice in these moments are called meta-emotions: feelings about your feelings. There are a few examples of these meta-emotions. Here are some of the most common I come across:

  • Guilt about feeling anger

  • Shame/embarrassment about experiencing jealousy (which can be viewed as a system of emotions, but that’s a conversation for another time).

  • Frustration with feeling sad, anxious, or “emotional”

  • Anxious about feeling anxious

  • Nervous about feeling happy

Okay, now I know what meta-emotions are. Why are they important?

I’m having feelings about my feelings! What to do with meta-emotions.
depression
Sara Stanizai
So, it’s January. Again.

by Andrew Kravig, LMFT.

 

I often feel like the new year (and all of the hype around it) arrives like an overenthusiastic motivational speaker— there’s the banging of pots and pans, folks shouting about “fresh starts,” and insisting this is the year everything changes. So much noise. Meanwhile, I’m standing over here in my mismatched socks, feeling emotionally exhausted, and wondering if it’s acceptable for me to set my expectations somewhere between “survive” and “remember to drink water.”

I live with chronic depression. And living with depression has a way of muting the fireworks. No matter how big and beautiful those fireworks might be. While the calendar flips with explosions of confetti and enthusiastic countdowns, my brain tends to respond with a kind of cautious squint. Hope feels fragile. Light feels far away. And yet—annoyingly, persistently—January still shows up, asking me what I want from the new year.

So, it’s January. Again.
couples therapy, relationships
Sara Stanizai
Mattering in Relationships

by Wanda Diep, LCSW.

When it comes to building and strengthening meaningful relationships, mattering plays a huge role. It’s one thing to say “you matter to me,” but there’s a different sense of security when this is felt.

Back in the 1980s, a couple researchers by the names of McCullogh and Rosenberg broke down mattering into three parts: attention, importance and dependence. It’s updated now to a version of awareness, importance and reliance. Let’s look at the three components a little more closely:

Mattering in Relationships
anxiety
Sara Stanizai
Press Pause: Tools for Cultivating ...

 by Andrew Kravig, LMFT.

We live in a world that seems to be moving faster each day—spinning with uncertainty, division, and painful change. Whether it’s the weight of global events, personal loss, or the quiet ache of feeling ungrounded, many of us are walking through life carrying more than we put into words. And in these moments—when the ground beneath us feels shaky—what we most long for is often what we most resist: compassion for ourselves.

Self-compassion is not a passive turning away from reality. It is not about excusing ourselves or avoiding discomfort. Rather, it is a courageous presence—a tender and honest attending to our own hearts. In the midst of inner and outer storms, it becomes a gateway to clarity, resilience, and peace.

Press Pause: Tools for Cultivating Self-Compassion in Tumultuous Times
couples therapy
Sara Stanizai
The Missing Pieces in the 5 Love Languages 

by Brianna Patti, LMFT.

If you’ve ever googled something like “how can i get my partner to show up for me,” you’re probably familiar with popular teachings of Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages (1992). Many people have sought solace in this ideology as they weathered impasses in their relationship. Partners who feel distanced from their significant other can receive a glimmer of hope as they read about simple prescriptions for connection that they can suggest to their partner. It’s important to honor that this framework has provided millions of people with concise language that began important conversations about deep emotional needs. 

The Missing Pieces in the 5 Love Languages 

Depression

I’m having feelings about my feelings! What to do with meta-emotions.

I’m having feelings about my feelings! What to do with meta-emotions.

by Wanda Diep, LCSW.

 Have you felt that lingering pang of guilt after feeling upset or even pissed the hell off at someone you care about deeply? Or frustrated when you notice feeling upset after something that’s “small” or “not worth getting emotional over”?

What you notice in these moments are called meta-emotions: feelings about your feelings. There are a few examples of these meta-emotions. Here are some of the most common I come across:

  • Guilt about feeling anger

  • Shame/embarrassment about experiencing jealousy (which can be viewed as a system of emotions, but that’s a conversation for another time).

  • Frustration with feeling sad, anxious, or “emotional”

  • Anxious about feeling anxious

  • Nervous about feeling happy

Okay, now I know what meta-emotions are. Why are they important?

The Least Wonderful Time of the Year: Seasonal Depression and How to Cope with it

The Least Wonderful Time of the Year: Seasonal Depression and How to Cope with it

Cozy sweaters. Hot chocolate. Holidays focused on food and gifts. Waking up to a snow-covered lawn. For some people, winter is the literal best time of year. But it’s a whole different story for the SAD people. The winter months bring about colder weather and shorter days, which means seasonal depression/anxiety or (SAD) seasonal affective disorder for some people.

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You Might Be a Perfectionist

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You Might Be a Perfectionist

It’s natural to want to succeed at the things you do. But when does striving for achievement become perfectionism?

Perfectionist tendencies are the combination of wanting to do our best, while simultaneously feeling like we never actually do.

Having high standards and wanting to pursue excellence can be helpful qualities. Without them, one could argue, everyone and everything would stay mediocre.

But this is different from perfectionism, which is less about an excellent result, and more hyperfocused on not making any mistakes or having flaws.

When perfectionists make mistakes, they feel like a complete failure, fixate on the negative, and have anxiety or depression over their perceived flaws.

When people with high standards make mistakes, they forgive themselves, see it as “part of the process,” learn from it, and are not deterred from their pursuit.

How can you tell which one you are?

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What if You Made Friends with Your Depression?

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What if You Made Friends with Your Depression?

If you’ve been living with depression, you have probably tried everything to get rid of it.

It’s not as easy as just “cheering up” or “focusing on the positive,” is it? Well-meaning friends and family love giving this advice, but obviously if you could, you would have by now! Instead, you’ve tried distracting yourself by trying to constantly have fun, avoiding uncomfortable situations and focusing on anything that could be considered “self-care” (whatever that means), or just giving in and staying in bed, hoping it would clear up.

Sometimes that works! But inevitably, it comes back. Then you’re not only depressed, but frustrated that you’ve “let” depression take over again, which makes you even more depressed, irritable, and exhausted.

It’s totally normal to avoid things that make us feel uncomfortable. Whether it’s physical pain like a toothache, or something hitting us in our emotional gut, like a bill we can’t afford to pay. For some, if left unchecked, this can lead to even more depression. Avoidance and procrastination can tend to make things worse, despite the fact that they are usually just coping mechanisms for situations that are overwhelming or feel out of our control.

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The Only One-Sided Relationship You Should Ever Have

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The Only One-Sided Relationship You Should Ever Have

If you’re reading this, chances are your relationships often feel one-sided, like you are the only one doing the heavy lifting, listening, connecting, reaching out, being supportive, while the other person just never seems to reciprocate.

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How New Traditions Can Help with Holiday Depression

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How New Traditions Can Help with Holiday Depression

If the end-of-the-year holiday traditions are bringing up conflicted feelings for you, you’re not alone. For many people, feelings of nostalgia can bring up regret; trying to create (or re-create) community can feel isolating; and even joyful activities can remind us of old pains that we usually try to ignore.

Anyone who has tried to maintain a holiday tradition in the wake of a loss or major life change can tell you: Trying to keep things as they were is its own kind of torture.

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